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Children's Medical Center

presents  ASK BARB
Ask Barb!

Have a question about children, household products, parenting etc.?
Our research guru has the answer!


                                  Ask Barb a question
A Penny Saved
Allowance Sense and Cents
Gas (Prices) Relief

Money Saving Tips

Balancing Acts
Sharing the Load
Dinner Time Chaos

Mama Juggling Act
Motivating Dad For Chores

Discipline
I Want, I Want
Hitting & Kicking

Mama, I want to stay!
Unified Discipline
Double Standard Discipline

Scratch & Hit

Growing Pains & Joys
Pain in the *Ear
Pull-ups vs. Diapers

The Sex Talk
Yes, Boys Have Penises
Pierce Be With You
Bath Time Blues
Toddler Bruises
Wet Nights
Diaper Swiper
Picky Eater

Toddler Gravity Test

Health & Safety
Market-ing Friendly Products
S'no You Know
Buzz Off
Candy Can-do
Flu Shot In The Dark
Food Expiration
Big Turd
A Boost Up
Crib Mates
Lip Service
Out With the Peanuts
Sink or Swim
Car Seat Law Changes
Sun Smart
Alcoholic Sanitizers
Prenatal Workouts
Water, Water Everywhere
Probiotics?
Toying With Age
Caught In The Crib
Don't Cover Up Baby
Public Bathroom Paranoia

Troubled Waters
Don't Bug Me

Teething Relief

In The Kitchen & House
Lunchability
The Scoop On Poop
Hard Facts About Wood Floors
Trash Talk
Smelly Washer
Ants-Be-Gone
The Stain Game
The Dirt On Lettuce
Green Potatoes

We All Scream For Ice Cream

Miscellaneous
Rodent Reporters
Stinky Feet
Daycare, Preschool or Moms Day Out?

Barb's Holiday Promises
School Fundraisers
Thinking Outside the Cable Box

Getting Postal
Holiday Headache

The ABC's and 123's of learning
Co-sleeping
In Your Face-book
Pacifying Pockets

Collect Them All
Movies at Daycare
CATS Testing
Car Seats: Little In Size, Big In Safety
My First Pet
Best Indoor Play Places
Choosing the crib & stroller

Messy Da Vincis

Paper cuts, shmaper cuts
Holiday Schedule Break
The Truth About Santa
A Bedtime Story
Barring Minors
Art Pile Ups

Kiddie Haircuts
HOV Baby

Mom-Etiquette
Party Protocol
Discourteous In Carpool
Who's Mess?
Mom-Mimic
Playgroup Pitfall
Going Out With The Rude Customer
Breaking The Chain Mail
Friends Who Won't Discipline - Chapter Two
Annoying Godmother
Sick To School
Friends Who Won't Discipline - Chapter One
Overbearing Mother

 

Product Reviews
Nasal Aspirators that really Suck
Total Toothpaste
Ear Scope
Bumper Jumper
Sit n Stroll

Carrying Baby Without An Aching Back
An Aspirator For All
Family-Friendly Outdoor Camping
Miracle Blanket
Video & Digital Monitor
Don't Waste Your Money

 

 
Ask Barb
presented by
Children's Medical Center

Nasal Aspirators that really Suck

Q ~ Erin in Mesquite asks: Barb, what do you think of those automatic nasal aspirators? I have seen mixed reviews but I do not have much luck with the bulb anymore.       
              

Barb ~ Battery-powered nasal aspirators quickly suck excess mucus out of your nose. While the noise can be off-putting to a younger child, it really does the job and does it quickly. I first ran out and got one when my then 4 month old baby had a respiratory infection and I just could not hold her down and use the traditional bulb effectively. My then 4 year old began to use it when he was sick. He loved the relief it brought him. But I never knew the effectiveness of them until I got a nasty sinus infection. The kind where you can’t stop blowing your nose, even though your nose is all chapped and sore, and your head and ears hurt from all the pressure. It really helped, and by having to use it on myself, I learned the most effective positions and movements to maximize the suction. They can run down batteries quickly and you will notice loss of suction power. But if you keep fresh batteries in and learn how to use it, you will love it.

Party Protocol

Q ~ Karen in Mansfield asks: Barb, How long before a child’s birthday party should I send out invitations?      
              

Barb ~ Your guests should generally receive birthday party invitations one month to three weeks in advance. Make sure to consider any party logistics though. For example, if you are renting a venue and need to have your headcount confirmed a week in advance, then make sure the invitations arrive in time to allow parents at least two weeks to make their plans and RSVP to you. While you may worry that an invitation gets lost or forgotten if sent too early, remember that families are busier than ever these days. Mail does not get opened daily, and parents may need time to arrange schedules, find care for siblings, and shop for a gift.


Market-ing Friendly Products
 
Q ~ Sylvia in Dallas asks: Barb, I thought all children's paints were nontoxic. What's the difference between traditional kid's paint and the new eco-friendly "safe" paints?      
              

Barb ~ As the consumer and the parent, you need to check every label of every paint you buy to make sure it is indeed non-toxic. Non-toxic means that a reasonable amount of a substance will not, under reasonable circumstances, cause damage to an exposed organism. Children’s ibuprofen will not likely hurt an otherwise healthy child if taken as directed, but you would not hand the child an open bottle of it and walk away. Eco-friendly, green, or environmentally friendly are used to refer to products that inflict minimal damage to the environment. For example, if flushed into bodies of water, they will not gas-off the fish that live in it. Does Green mean Non-toxic? Would you eat recycled cardboard?

Rodent Reporters

Q ~ Lorraine in Grand Prairie asks: Barb, why is Groundhog Day a holiday? Is there actually any truth to it?      
              

Barb ~ The February 2nd Holiday Groundhog Day is celebrated in the United States and Canada. According to the tradition, if a groundhog sees its shadow on this day and returns to its burrow, we will experience 6 more weeks of winter. If not, then we will have an early spring. To sum it up, if it is cloudy on Feb 2, spring is springing soon, if it is sunny on this day of reckoning, winter wins. So you may ask how the rodent got involved in the first place, when the common 2-legged creature can just peek outside his window and draw the conclusion. Though the roots of the folklore go back centuries to the ancient Celtic festival of Imbolc, Groundhog Day as we know it was born around 1887 in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania by inventive minds at the Punxsutawney Spirit newspaper, which repeatedly ran embellished stories about the tradition. Now, crowds of 30,000-40,000 gather in the city to witness the famous whiskered weather-rat known as Punxsutawney Phil. There are other notable furry forecasters in other cities: Buckeye Chuck, Staten Island Chuck, Wiarton Willie in Ontario, General Beauregard Lee in Atlanta, and Shubenacadie Sam. How reliable are the furry forecasts? An NCDC (National Climatic Data Center) analysis shows Punxsutawney Phil's success rate at 39%. Here are some more fun facts: Groundhogs do not like being disturbed. They have a very loud reaction including whistling, squealing, barking, chattering and grinding their teeth. PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) love the folklore, but accuse officials of subjecting Phil to the large and load crowds. PETA is suggesting the use of an animatronic model – a robot groundhog. William Deeley, president of the Inner Circle of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, says the animal is "being treated better than the average child in Pennsylvania."

Pain in the *Ear

Q ~ Brandy in Frisco asks: Please help my ears! My 2-year old loves to scream at the top of his lungs because it's fun. It truly does hurt my ears and those around me. How do I get him to stop? I've told him it hurts and he'll stop, but he never remembers.                     
Barb ~ I contacted the experts at Children's Medical Center Dallas and thank Crista Wetherington, Ph.D., from the Center for Pediatric Psychiatry for the answer: Kids love attention from their parents, even when it's negative. Your son is exploring his environment and trying to understand how others respond to his actions. Two-year-olds cannot take someone else's perspective very well, so explaining that the screaming hurts your ears may not be very useful for stopping the screaming. Start by paying attention to the positive things your child does-any behaviors you'd like to see increase. For example, when your son is playing quietly, or runs over to give you a hug, be sure to give attention for these things, whether by saying something out loud or stopping what you are doing to play with him and make time for that hug. When he begins screaming, ignore him and use time out if needed. Focusing on the positive will decrease the negative, so start there and you will find that you are both happier!

Discourteous in Carpool


Q ~ Barb, I was so irritated in the second grade carpool line this morning as one mom, with a scant few minutes left before classes began, pulls up to the front, gets out, opens the door and fixes her daughter’s hair by brushing and putting in a ponytail! There were at least six cars waiting, including me. I wanted badly to honk but am a new parent and did not want to draw attention to myself, especially if this ended up being someone like the wife of a board member or something. I could see the other drivers were annoyed but no one did anything, and now I am mad for not having done or said something myself because she will probably do it again. Am I over-reacting or should I have honked?                     

Barb ~ Holding up the carpool line to fix your daughters hair is indeed rude and insensitive. I think it made you even more irritated since you were already close to being late. But, I would let this incident go. I am sure there has been a time when you were running late or not quite awake or for whatever reason just not focused and made a poor decision. You don’t want to be judged on that temporary lapse in judgment, or honked at impatiently. Try to be empathetic and give her the benefit of the doubt. Remember that your children are watching and you are setting an example with everything you do. This is an opportunity to display patience and empathy, rather than judgment. If you see a pattern with this mom and it becomes clear she is being selfish and intentionally disregarding the other parents, then you should take action. Either let her know (without a crowd or audience) that her behavior is imposing on others, or speak with an administrator and ask them to address it with her.

Pull-ups vs. Diapers


Q ~ Jessica in Alvarado asks: is there any benefit to using pull-ups over diapers at night? My 4 1/2 year old had 2 accidents last night. It makes me tired. We have even cut his nighttime drinking to try to help. My water bill is going to go up at this rate! We have tons of diapers but would be willing to buy pull-ups if there is an advantage.                     

Barb ~ Hi Jessica, Most pediatricians do not expect a child to stay dry at night until the age of 5 or 6. I recommend making the move to pull-ups at night. First, it will give him the freedom to go by himself should he wake with the need to go. Having him in diapers may send confusing or mixed signals to him. A diaper is something you control while a pull-up is something he controls, and part of successful potty training involves the child taking control of their potty time. You could consider donating the diapers to a shelter or church or friend. A friend gave me one of the best parenting tips I know: For nighttime accidents, in cribs or beds, layer your mattress pads and sheets, so that you only have to strip a layer off each time rather than change the entire bed at night

Stinky Feet

Q ~ Billie in Carrollton asks, Barb, my kids are only 7 and 10 but their shoes are really stinky. What can I do to get rid of the odor without spraying chemicals on them and can I prevent them from getting like this?                     

Barb ~ Those stinky odors are bacteria, living things that keep festering and growing stronger until you end their miserable life. They live off the moisture from accumulated sweat and body oils. To get rid of the stink you have to get rid of the bacteria, and continue to keep moisture from accumulating. You want to avoid harmful chemicals, a good idea, and have a few options. Traditional remedies include misting with a vinegar and water or rubbing alcohol and water blend. I’m not a fan of this as they both have skin-drying properties. Did you know that deep-freezing kills bacteria? If you do not want to use an anti-fungal or anti-bacteria spray, pop them in a deep-freezer for at least a few hours. To keep them dry, you have a few options again. Dusting them with baking soda is great, but it does build up and get gooey when feet sweat and can become cumbersome. I recommend a charcoal product. The most convenient – and most effective I have found is made by Ever Bamboo. A 100% natural product, bamboo charcoal is a deodorizer and dehumidifier. Ever Bamboo has many conveniently shaped deodorizers, including Shoe Deodorizers. When my son takes his shoes off, he places these inside. We have been able to easily and affordably keep the stink from coming back with these. I highly recommend them.


Daycare, Preschool or Moms Day Out?


Q ~ Amanda in Mansfield asks: What is the difference between a mother's day out and a daycare and a preschool these days? Traditionally, a MDO was a once or twice a week sitting service for a few hours each day with no curriculum. Daycare was the same but all day. Preschool was just that...instruction before kids start school. But it seems many MDOs and DCs are offering curriculum as well as PSs. Is it a licensing issue at this point?                   

Barb ~ Today's programs aim to meet the needs of today's families. While it may be difficult to spot differences between the three, if you are looking at three high quality programs you will find unique characteristics. MDO programs are generally just a few hours a week, offering a break for mom and fun, interaction and activities for little ones. Daycares are normally open year round and offer longer hours to accommodate working families with a wide range of children in their care from 6 weeks to 10 years or older. Preschools have defined class ages such as PreK3 and PreK4, normally operate during the school year, and offer a curriculum to prepare the child for the structure of Kindergarten. Daycares that offer preschool type instruction exist to accommodate families that need the hours of a daycare yet want the curriculum of a preschool. Programs also compete for your business by offering more. But they must meet the same licensing and accreditation requirements. Ask to see the licensing and accreditation for any program you are considering. The moms at MomCheck know how confusing it can be "with daycares offering preschool, preschools offering child care and MDO's available just about everywhere you turn. A preschool program, whether offered by a private preschool, a licensed child care facility or an elementary school has a basic curriculum that follows state guidelines." For more information, see the comprehensive MomCheck Guide that covers the basics and breaks them down deeper.

Total Toothpaste


Q ~ Jen in Euless asks: Barb, are there some brands of toothpaste that are better than others or do they all pretty much clean the same?                 

Barb ~ Most adult toothpastes have similar ingredients with varying amounts of fluoride plus other agents to help fight decay and bacteria, sensitivity and inflamed gums. The most important ingredient is an antigingivitis agent to fight plaque. Not all toothpastes carry the seal from the American Dental Association (ADA), another major item you should look for when selecting your toothpaste. Consumer Reports performed tests on 38 brands of toothpaste in 1998. Thirty of them were rated excellent. The top rating goes to Colgate Total, which is also the brand most recommended by the FDA and others in the dental industry. What makes Colgate Total stand out in test after test? It contains the antibacterial agent Triclosan to help fight gum disease and Gantrez, which keeps the Triclosan working even between brushings. For more fun and information for the entire family, visit the American Dental Association website. To see how brands rate, see the Consumer Research website.

S’no You Know

Q ~ Laura in Mesquite asks: Barb, is it safe to eat snow?                

Barb ~ This really depends on where you are and how big your portion sizes are. It is a fact that even falling snow is dirty and probably polluted with exhaust, emissions, and Pseudomonas syringae bacteria, which is really scary-bad only if you are a bean or tomato plant. Harvard environmental professor Helen Suh Macintosh wrote, “Snow is formed by water vapor that moves in the cold air, it can stick to a tiny piece of dust and then have other water molecules attach to it, forming a crystal. Once formed, the crystal can continue to grow and can stay in the air for hours before it falls to the ground. It is during this time that the snow crystal can collect or ‘scavenge’ pollutants that are present in the air.” Still, even a little dirt – or snow – won’t hurt an otherwise healthy person. The American Academy of Pediatrics reminds that we eat bacteria all the time that are usually killed in the acidic stomach. There are no reports of otherwise healthy children becoming sick from eating small amounts of snow. Eating mega amounts of snow can dangerously lower body temperature.


Barb's Holiday Promises         

Barb ~ The holiday season is finally here as many of us take time to reflect on the things most important to us and vow to not take them for granted. This Christmas (or any other gift-giving fête), I promise the following to my children:

1) I will let you open presents any way you want to.

2) I won’t put twenty-three pounds of candy in your stocking and then blame you when you try to climb up the chimney.

3) You will not have to hear “oh don’t worry about Cousin Bob/Uncle Don/Grandma, they’ve just had too much to drink."

4) You will not be made to kiss or hug strange relatives.

5) I will have batteries for every toy I gift you.

6) Your Christmas money is your Christmas money; I will not borrow from it nor force you to invest it.

7) You will not have to perform the song/poem/high kick you just learned in class, or any other stupid human tricks just to entertain the relatives.

8) I will not make up new rules about a fat guy in a red suit to mold your behavior.

9) I will not take my decorations too seriously; go ahead, touch them.

10) I will make time to play with you.

Happy Holidays to you and yours!

Who's Mess?

Q ~ Arleen in Allen asks: Hi Barb, Whenever we go out to eat at the restaurants, my toddler, unfortunately will and always make a mess. Though we sometimes left extra tip, should I also be picking stuff out off the floor? It's not that I don't mind doing it, but I'll be back and forth washing my hands at the restroom. Thank you for your thoughts on this.                

Barb ~ Beyond the Golden Rule is the Rule of Reasonable Expectations, with a clause for parents called “Example Setting.” You would not clear your own crumbs, and are not expected to. The restaurant staff expects a reasonable amount of mess with children, especially if they are a family-friendly restaurant. A standard tip is sufficient for a standard mess. HOWEVER: You should clean up anything more than a reasonable mess. Consider that a server makes less than $3 an hour. If they have a busser, they will share a portion of their tips with them. A mess that is so large means the staff will be spending more than a reasonable amount of time cleaning up and takes them away from other customers, where they are working to earn more in tips. It also means the table cannot be sat with new customers right away, meaning the restaurant as a whole is delayed in serving someone else and making their money on that new table. Dining out is no reason to abandon manners. Set an example to your toddler that it is not okay to throw or dump food, drink and cutlery. Yes toddlers will do it. That is part of their job is to see what happens when they do something. Your job is to set an example for them to know what is appropriate. If they are invited into a friend’s home, how have you taught them to behave? Granted you do not carry a broom and dust pan with you, but make some effort to perform general maintenance throughout the meal - pick up dropped linen or cutlery and sweep dropped food off the table and into the plate after they are finished. After the meal you can use a wipe or unused napkin for one general swipe of dropped food off the floor. If the mess left behind is more than a reasonable one – for example, sticky white rice or slippery crushed fruit, and warrants more work, then they should be compensated for the additional work.


School Fundraisers

Q ~ Stephanie in Argyle asks: Barb, I am so sick of the school fundraisers that are turning our kids into door-to-door sales people. How do I handle it when my son gets singled out for not getting a big prize that his friends get?                

Barb ~ I have yet to meet a parent that is happy with a high-pressure fundraiser. Schools desperately need the extra funds raised. More than $1.5 billion is raised each year by school groups as a whole, and it is raised primarily by selling stuff. This money affords the schools about 80% of the funds they need to provide extras such as playground equipment, computers, and field trips. Kids can learn some valuable lessons while fundraising – if they are participating in a responsible fundraiser. Fundraisers such as bake sales, garage sales and car washes are being replaced with multi-level marketing schemes with multi-level incentives that brain wash children into believing they need a 10-cent spiky hair ball and guilt parents into taking the part-time job of unloading pallets of cookie dough and wrapping paper to get junior that stupid ball. What is most irritating to me is the marketing moron of a PTO leader that claims, “oh, children don’t really understand why we need to raise money and, therefore, need extra motivation like cool prizes.” Don’t insult the intelligence of my child. Kids can grasp the notion of raising money for the school so the school can buy things it needs. And if they can’t; they have a huge incentive in participating in a responsible fundraiser – baking with family or classmates for that bake sale, having fun at the car wash – and they see commerce taking place immediately – not months after an order is placed. So here is how you handle it. You first explain to your intelligent child that the school needs extras. Then you explain how these things work and how you feel about them. Then let them know what you feel comfortable doing and how you want to contribute – like making a donation or volunteering your time. They may be frustrated – at no fault to them considering they were brain washed that they will not win something – but remember this is a lesson they need to learn. You have to stand up for what you believe in and let them see it. Offer an alternative, if it is a spiky hair ball they want, let them do extra chores around the house to earn the money to buy it. If it is a party for them and their friends then let them organize a play date. Finally, talk to your PTO leaders. Encourage them to find more responsible methods of fundraising that keep a larger percentage of the profits in the schools. Volunteer what you can.

Thinking Outside the Cable Box

Q ~ Monica in Flower Mound asks: Barb, what is a good age to have a television on your own room?                

Barb ~ When they are old enough to pay rent on that room. Re-think the idea of putting a television in your child’s bedroom. Studies clearly show it is not a good idea: children with TV’s in their bedroom tend to have more problems with sleep, weight and grades than their room-tube-deprived peers. A recent study conducted at the University of Minnesota School of Public Health looked at a group of 781 teenagers ages 15 to 18 and found that the “62 percent with a bedroom TV were less likely to exercise or to eat fruit and vegetables and got lower grades.” More research from the University of North Carolina, found that less active children are more likely to develop metabolic syndrome as teenagers, including high blood pressure, high cholesterol, obesity, and diabetes, all increasing the risk of heart disease. “The researchers charted the health and physical activity of 389 children when they were 7 to 10 years old and then again when they were 14 to 17. Almost 5 percent of the children had at least three symptoms of metabolic syndrome as teenagers.” Don’t get me wrong – televisions are not evil – in other rooms of the house they can be entertaining, educational, and fun. But it’s difficult to moderate the amount of time your children watch TV if they have one in their bedrooms. If they are watching, they are otherwise physically inactive, and this is part of the problem. You also can not monitor what they are watching – what messages shows or commercials are sending them. Ideally, they emerge from their room speaking messages of sharing and helping in fluent Spanish while looking for an animal to rescue. But in reality, if you are not monitoring what they are watching, they could be seeing 2,000 beer and wine ads each year not to mention the junk food and junk toys they will think they have to have, and enough information to re-write your schools sex-ed curriculum. Here are more fun numbers: On average, children ages 2-5 spend 32 hours a week in front of a TV and kids ages 6-11 spend about 28 hours a week. Kids with a TV in their bedroom spend an average of almost 1.5 hours more per day watching TV than kids without a TV in the bedroom.

Getting Postal

Q ~ Toni in Grand Prairie asks: Barb, I'm disliking the amount of junk mail the post office delivers to my mailbox every day. It seems so wasteful. How do I get off the junk mail lists?                

Barb ~ You can save your time, trees, and landfills by reducing the amount of direct mail advertisements you receive. Now for the scary stats from Center for a New American Dream: Each year in America, 5.6 million tons of catalogs and other junk mail go into our landfills; the average household receives 1.5 trees worth of unwanted junk mail (that’s more than 100 million trees for all U.S. households combined); and we pay $370 million to dispose of junk mail that doesn’t get recycled. 44 percent of junk mail is tossed unopened, yet only half of that (22 percent) is thoughtfully tossed in the recycle bin. On average, Americans spend 8 months of their lives opening junk mail. It’s enough to make you go postal. Here is how you can reduce the waste. First register with the Mail Preference Service of the Direct Marketing Association (DMA) to get listed in the “Do Not Mail” database. While direct marketers don’t have to check the database, many do before sending a large amount of bulk mail. You can also go to OptOutPreScreen.com to remove your name from lists that mortgage, credit card and insurance companies use in direct mail campaigns. This site is run by the four major credit bureaus that are also the largest brokers of your address. The federal Fair Credit Reporting Act says they have to remove your name from their lists if you ask them to. Next contact the companies that you do business with, such as your credit cards and magazine subscriptions and ask them to opt your name out of direct or third-party marketing. If a company ignores your request, you can make it a criminal offense to keep mailing you by creating a prohibitory order against it. To do this, download a 1500 form from the USPS, attach it to an opened letter from the company, and drop it off at your local post office. For more information and form letters, see JunkBusters.com.


Buzz Off

Q ~ Katie in Hurst asks: Barb, there are tons of mosquitoes just hanging around my front door but I can’t figure out what is attracting them. Isn’t their season over? How can I get them to move along?                

Barb ~ It’s always mosquito season in Texas, the species just change with the season. Mosquitoes are attracted to a variety or combination of things. These include your breath (or that of an animal’s), body heat, darker colors and MOISTURE. Alex Cantaboni from Safe Pro Pest control says that moisture is the most common problem. “I usually find standing water in gutters, base of vases, French drains, and also ignored bird baths. So remove all standing water debris (leaf clutter) around home.” Mosquitoes only need a thin film of water to breed. A watered lawn or dense shrubs are most welcoming. It just needs to be moist and shady. Give them an eviction notice by getting rid of moisture in these areas, and any animals nesting in the area such as birds. Apply a larvacide in standing water. If you need to spot treat for an occasion, I recommend Mosquito misters, Safe Pro Pest Control provides eco friendly fogging and spraying for mosquitoes. One last thing to try is Mosquito Plants, genetically engineered with a sweet lemony scent to repel mosquitoes an easily grown as potted plants.


Holiday Headache

Q ~ Katrina in Southlake asks: I really dread the holidays because - ever since having kids - they cause friction between me and my husband. We live near his family, and my family is in another state. I feel that his family has us and the kids year round, and that we should spend Christmas with my family. How can we avoid this fight and keep my parents from feeling left out?              

Barb ~ I have always believed that when you start your own family you get to start your own family traditions. Whether that means you travel or stay at home for the holidays, it’s your family tradition – not the in-laws. There comes a time when you have to consider yours, your husbands, and your children’s feelings first, and not make them do something just to make your own parents happy. I would talk it out. Calmly. Explain to him how you feel but listen to his feelings too. Find out why he feels the way he does. Holiday travel causes anxiety in many people as they think of the crowds, the delays, the cost, the tantrums, and everything in between point A and B. Maybe he is worried Santa won’t find you if you are away. Work together to find options you can both be happy with but know there will have to be compromise. You could agree that you visit your family for a specific amount of time, that you stay in your own home, that you alternate holidays or years, or that you go out of town just before or after Christmas. Keep in mind that as the kids get older, they will want to have their say too.

The ABC’s and 123’s of learning
 
Q ~ Carey in The Colony asks: I want to know what are the things I should be working on with my kids and when. When should we work on ABC's? What about Colors? body parts? You name it. I would also like activities and such to do with them to work on these skills. And learning isn't just about the brain, what physical things should we work on and when? Jumping, climbing, touching their toes. These are the things that I get lost about. I don't want my kids to be on strict schedule, but if we are going to learn stuff, at least I know what I should focus on.             

Barb ~ The only thing you should be working towards is offering the kids activities that they enjoy. There are two schools of thought about how early a child should begin learning these things since they are also taught in school. One theory is that the child will be bored if they already know everything once they start school, so you should let them be children during these preschool years. The other school of thought theorizes that if parents make it a fun parent-child experience, then teaching skills such as the alphabet and basic math to very young children is just as beneficial as playing a game together – the child builds confidence and self-esteem as they learn.

I think any regular daily activity a little one does offers a lesson of some sort and – as long as you keep it fun and the kids are interested- you can take advantage of these day-to-day tasks to help them learn something. I would start with the basics, and let them lead so that you can gage their interest and progress as appropriate.

Even before a child begins to speak they are already aware of colors. You can point out colors everywhere. When getting dressed, when going for a walk, even around the house. Don’t worry about getting them to repeat it back to you. You can have a color theme day. Wear blue, use the blue cup, blue finger-paint, color your pasta blue, build a blue tower with Legos.

Body parts can be pointed out when bathing or getting dressed, older toddlers can have fun playing games like Twister. When it comes to ABC’s, I would teach them the alphabet song first, there are many great and fun videos on Youtube and educational sites like Starfall.com that have fun alphabet videos. Starfall.com is helpful through teaching reading. They don’t need to learn them in order, just shoot for letter recognition. Reinforce the learning with daily activities. On the letter “A” theme day, eat half an apple for breakfast. Take the other half and carve an “A” so that you can use it as a stamper. Talk about the sounds the letter makes as you incorporate it into activities. Do crafts – cut out shapes for them to paste on a paper – circles for an ant, triangles for the teeth of an alligator – and count them too. I love two sites for themed crafts - http://dltk-kids.com/ and http://www.first-school.ws/

Allow them to experience and learn using multiple senses. Put some play sand in a plate and draw the letters in it. Have them sort out 5 blue M&M’s as a treat.

Physical activity is important, go for walks and point out all the colors you see. Set out to find as many “A” airplanes one day, “B” birds another. Count as you are climbing stairs. Put on some music and lead the kids in a march (point out left/right) or dance – hokey pokey is great for learning body parts. You don’t need structured exercise at this time but at least 30 minutes of active play each day would be beneficial.

The key to learning through experience is to focus on the quality of the time you are spending together. If the kids are not in the mood or interested in the activity, stop immediately. Sometimes it’s fine to build a tower out of any Lego’s they choose.

Co-sleeping

Q ~ Sarah in Irving asks: I have a 10 month little girl who sleeps in the bed with me. My hubs (her dad) works nights. However, when he is home, we would like to have to have some 'adult' time and that can be difficult with her in the bed. She does sleep through the night. What do you think about co-sleeping? Should we get her to sleep in her own crib?           

Barb ~ I think if BOTH parents want and agree to co-sleep and they take safety precautions then they should go for it. Move her to a crib when you are ready to. If you enjoy co-sleeping then it should not affect your adult time. Really, don’t even non-co-sleeping parents wish they could get more creative from time to time and move out of the bedroom? I think it would be okay to either move her to her crib during show time or for you to take the show on the road to another room. If she is in the same room it is unlikely she will see, hear, or even remember anything at this age; but being in the same room with her may be a distraction to you.

Candy Can-do

Q ~ Donna in Rockwall asks: Barb, I recently heard that a study showed if kids eat sugar every day they are more likely to be criminals? My kids eat healthy but I do allow them little treats every day if they want them. Should I be more restrictive?           

Barb ~ The study you are referring to, published in the October British Journal of Psychiatry, was conducted at Cardiff University in Britain and studied approximately 17,500 participants born in 1970 for four decades. Researchers found that 69 percent of the participants who had committed violence by 34 had eaten sweets or chocolate nearly every day (compared to the occasional treat) during childhood. Dynamics such as parenting skills and social and economic backgrounds were factored in. The reason why? Lead researcher Simon Moore says "giving children sweets and chocolate regularly may stop them from learning how to wait to obtain something they want. Not being able to defer gratification may push them towards more impulsive behavior, which is strongly associated with delinquency." Researchers also stated that more research is needed to confirm the link. Not all children in the study who had eaten sweets daily had turned criminal – about 42 percent were clean sugar-holics. The magazine also cited research from 2002, which found that young offenders who received vitamins and nutrient capsules committed on average 26-37 percent fewer offenses. The bottom line for you as a mom? "It's not that the sweets themselves are bad," Moore says. "It's more about interpreting how kids make decisions." Your brain functions better and therefore makes better decisions with proper nutrients. So I think you are doing great, making sure they get the good stuff and a treat here and there.

The Sex Talk

Q ~ Kim in Grand Prairie asks: I just heard from my friend, that her child's middle school a boy from his class is about to become a father. He is only 15 years old. I am shocked that at that age, someone becoming a father. At what age is it appropriate to talk to your children about sex? I want my son to live and have a normal childhood first but with what's going on in the world I'm worried about issues like this.        

Barb ~ Almost 15 years ago I did an internship in STD education and testing and was shocked at the lack of information young people had. I heard things like “he told me if he wrapped it in toilet paper I could not get pregnant.” One young girl told me she would rather get AIDS then get pregnant. Another convinced her mother that she contracted gonorrhea by sitting on someone’s shoulders during a parade. All they needed were the facts and some guidance. It’s great that you are already thinking about these issues because your son is already thinking about them too in one sense or another. It is not too early to start conversations about sexuality. The conversation should really be on-going, yet age appropriate. Right now, it’s important for your son to know the correct names for parts of his body, their functions, and that he should respect his body. If he has questions, answer the specific question truthfully. It’s very important for him to know he can trust you to give him a truthful answer and that he can continue to come to you for the facts. My son was 4 when I was pregnant with my daughter and he asked how the baby got into my tummy in the first place. I explained to him that daddy’s sperm and mommy’s egg joined together and how cells multiply. That’s all he wanted, he has yet to ask how they join. He was more interested in the science of it. Don’t over react if your kids have some questions, it does not mean you have to give a full-blown lesson in sex-ed. But by keeping communication open, answering questions as they come up, and recognizing stages of child-hood that require some additional information, you will set your kids up to avoid embarrassment, body image issues, and hopefully issues like your friend’s schoolmate. There are many great resources for parents looking for ways to talk to their children about sex, what is age-appropriate, and how to handle questions: The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, Talking with Kids, and Sex Therapist Dr. Laura Berman’s downloadable Handbook for Advice on Talking to Your Kids at Every Age

In Your Face-book

Q ~ March in Dallas asks: What is an appropriate age for a child to have a facebook account? My son is about to turn 9 and we have said no to facebook, we just think he is too young. Today I was looking for a friend of mine and on my "suggested" friends list I was shocked at the number of his friends that were coming up, all 8 and 9 year olds with their own facebook account. Am I just being old fashioned?       

Barb ~ Do you allow your child to play a video game rated 10 and over? Do you allow him to see a PG-13 movie, either with or without your supervision? I ask these questions because movie and video game companies publish ratings to give the parents information about content, so that the parents can make informed decisions. Facebook, on the other hand, has no recommendation or guide; however, they do have a clearly written policy. According to their very recently updated Statement of Rights and Responsibilities, “You will not use Facebook if you are under 13.” Is it against the law if you do? No, it’s just against Facebook policy. The policy also states, “You will not provide any false personal information on Facebook, or create an account for anyone other than yourself without permission.” If you violate the policy, Facebook “can stop providing all or part of Facebook to you.” Although when creating a new account, users have the option of selecting a birth year between 1900 and 2009, Facebook will respond with the following statement if you are under 13: “Sorry, you are ineligible to sign up for Facebook.” This message is annoyingly displayed on your screen whenever you attempt to start a new account, until you finally clear your cookies. At which point, a minor can change their birth year, or ask mom or dad to create an account for them. What bewilders me is that some parents blindly trust the recommendations of the Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) and Classification and Rating Administration (CARA) and allow their children access to a game or movie without question. But who are the people on these boards and how do they come up with their ratings? For movies, the full-time Rating Board is made up of 10-13 members. According to the Motion Picture Association of America website: “There are no special qualifications for Board membership, except that the members must have a shared parenthood experience, must be possessed of an intelligent maturity, and most of all, have the capacity to put themselves in the role of most American parents so they can view a film and apply a rating that most parents would find suitable and helpful in aiding their decisions about their children and what movies they see.” It is actually quite an honorable position and there has never been an incident of bad behavior by the board. They have guidelines. For example, if a movie has any drug use, more than brief nudity, both realistic and extreme violence, or a single use of one of the harsher sexually-derived words, it requires the PG-13 rating. The ESRB comes up with its recommendation in this way: Video game makers submit video of the games, with typical play and the most extreme scenarios of violence, language, sex, drugs, and gambling. ESRB staff checks the video to make sure it is a clear representation of the game, sometimes by playing the game. Then at least three specially trained game raters review the video. According to the ESRB official website, “ESRB raters must be adults and typically have experience with children, whether through prior work experience, education or by being parents or caregivers themselves.” If you have made it this far and the editor has not cut me off, I do have a point to make here. You, as the parent of your child, have to decide where to set the boundaries. Dr. Phil says you have to make this decision against the backdrop of their life. If you have a child who is responsible with chores, homework, and money and treats others with respect, you may trust them more and not have to monitor them as much as the child that is generally irresponsible in those terms. You have to take into account any recommendations made, policies stated, and heed any warnings such as the following by Facebook: WE TRY TO KEEP FACEBOOK UP, BUG-FREE, AND SAFE, BUT YOU USE IT AT YOUR OWN RISK. WE DO NOT GUARANTEE THAT FACEBOOK WILL BE SAFE OR SECURE. For me, I would not allow my son to use Facebook solely on the fact that it goes against Facebook policy. For me, the overall lesson is that you respect the policies of a company, especially if you hope to use that business at any point. Once he is 13, I would evaluate his overall responsibility and maturity and take note of any recommendations out there. I may come up with our own family policy. Such as the “door stays open when you have a friend in your room” rule, we come up with rules we can both agree to. Perhaps he understands that I control the account, register it with an email address only I have control of, and he understands that I never post as him or access the account except to check on his safety, and that if I feel at any time he acted inappropriately I will disable the account. For me, my job is to keep him safe as much as it is to set him up to succeed. Social media can be a great and fun thing, but it can also be dangerous. If he can understand that, then he is responsible enough to use it according to the terms and policies of our family. On an additional note brought up by one of my co-workers, parents may want to establish Facebook accounts for their children now only to reserve the vanity url for their child’s name, similar to buying the domain name for your child.

Flu Shot In The Dark

Q ~ Jen in Arlington asks: What is the differ between the regular flu shot and the swine flu shot as far as safety of the vaccines?      

Barb ~ This year the seasonal flu vaccine covers three different strains of the seasonal influenza virus but not the H1N1 or swine flu. It is recommended for anyone but especially pregnant women, young children and elderly. A single dose is needed except for children under 9 that have never had a flu shot before. It is available at local pharmacies, health departments, and doctors offices. The H1N1 novel flu vaccine has been approved by the FDA and covers this one strain. It does not give protection against seasonal flu. The vaccine is still being tested and manufactured, and will be available later this fall but only through your local health department. It is likely that children under 10 will require two doses but those in the highest risk categories will receive it first. This includes pregnant women, healthcare workers, and child care givers, children aged 6 months – 4 years, and children aged 5-14 with chronic medical conditions. There are still many unanswered questions regarding the safety of the new vaccine. Studies and safety information are still emerging. Pediatricians should talk to each patient as information becomes available about the effectiveness, necessity, toxicity and safety of the vaccine. Ask your doctor to discuss your case with you. You can find more information by calling 800-CDC-INFO (800-232-4636) and at these following websites: www.flu.gov, www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu, www.dshs.state.tx.us/txflu/default.shtm 

Mom-Mimic

Q ~ Lana in Richardson asks: There is a mom in my "circle" of mom friends that always copies me. If I show up to play group with a new diaper bag or accessory, she buys it. If I say we are going to a spot for a family outing she says she is too, but she will act like it was her plan all along instead of saying "good idea, I think I will do the same." it is so annoying. What can I do without being childish?      

Barb ~ It’s annoying but it probably speaks to her lack of confidence in herself. You would probably be fine with her following your trend-setting if she gave you credit for giving her the idea rather than being dismissive. You could take it as a compliment that she is impressed enough with your choices to do what you do, finding satisfaction in the fact that the scenery never changes unless you are lead dog. But I don’t think it’s too big of a deal. Companies make hundreds of one bag, and whether moms see it in an ad or on the street, hundreds of moms will purchase it. You probably don’t receive a compliment on something and then tell people how you thought of the idea. For her to have to claim an idea as her own when she borrowed it is pathetic, but really, leaders stand out, and you will be on to the next big find before she can catch up. .

Food Expiration

Q ~ Genny in Fort Worth asks: Barb, How long can you use food after the “Sell By” date and can you really go by the “Use By” date?      

Barb ~ You need to rely on your common senses and consider guidelines when storing food. A "sell by" date tells the grocery store how long they should sell the product for. A "best by" date is when the quality, flavor, texture or safety of a food will begin to deteriorate. The "use by" date is the expiration date of the food. The true food dates are also affected by the temperature of your refrigerator and if the packaging has been opened. Milk for example usually carries a “sell by” date because it is affected by various environmental factors such as temperature and light. Light can cause milk to loose vitamins which is why it usually comes in an opaque plastic or cardboard container. If you store your milk around 37 degrees, you can safely enjoy it for 2-5 days after its “sell by” date. Certain foods have a higher protein content or higher acidic content that affect the recommended amount of days a food is safe. For storage guidelines on other foods check out the USDA Website.

Big Turd

Q ~ Erin in Richardson asks: Barb, My husband and I have a few bird feeders and birdbaths in our backyard. We have a myriad of birds who visit, bathe, and feed in our yard. I am concerned that my two children, who are always outside playing, might "catch" something from the birds. My son digs in the dirt, where I know birds go to the bathroom. How dangerous is "bird poop"?      

Barb ~ Bird droppings can be extremely dangerous to young children, the elderly, or those with compromised immune systems. There are 60 diseases that can be transmitted from birds to humans, some potentially fatal, including E-coli, Salmonella, Respiratory Histoplasmosis, Meningitis and Cryptococcosis. Bird droppings are a good medium for transmission because they dry out and turn to dust which then becomes airborne and can be absorbed through mucous membranes, or “breathed in.” The CDC has published safeguards on Cryptococcosis. This responsible fungus “is found in the soil worldwide” and “commonly spread by bird droppings, especially pigeon droppings.” Because this airborne fungi can be inhaled, “people who have weakened immune systems should avoid areas contaminated by bird droppings, and should avoid contact with birds.” Similar safeguards on dealing with Histoplasmosis have been issued as well. The H. capsulatum fungus not only grows in soils, bird droppings in the dirt are a rich nutrient source for the fungi. “The best way to prevent exposure to H. capsulatum spores is to avoid situations where material that might be contaminated can become aerosolized and subsequently inhaled.” Alex Cantaboni of Safe Pro Pest Control tells me “health risks from birds and bats are often exaggerated. Nevertheless, large populations of roosting birds may present the risk of disease to people nearby.” External parasites such as ticks, flies, lice and beetles may also pose a problem when infested birds roost or nest. “If large quantities of bird or bat droppings are present, contact an environmental engineering consultant for advice.” For more information, call your local Health Department, and visit the website for the Centers for Disease Control.

Lunchability

Q ~ Laura in DeSoto asks: My son’s school says no more Lunchables. Please help me with ideas of easy, quick, and picky-eater approved lunch ideas.     

Barb ~ The Lunchables ban took me by surprise too! As a spread-thin mom of a picky eater, I admit I have been stuck on a rotating meal plan of the 17 combinations you can make with bread, pasta, cheese and pepperoni. I have found it helpful to pack food in fun yet easy to use containers, and if including individually packaged food, make sure you pre-tear the wrapper so it’s easy for your little one to open. You can save time, beat boredom and create excitement by involving your son in the planning and preparation. Mine likes to “build” his lunch, so he plans out what items to pack to stack on whole wheat crackers. He often picks pepperoni and cheese, but every now and then he will throw in some other items too. He loves fruit and veggies, and it is easy to prepare and portion grapes, melon, carrots, cucumbers, celery, and berries every few days. I find it helpful to have him think ahead, and we plan his lunch each evening or even in the afternoons when we arrive home from school. Champion baker and mom of 3 March Baremore makes her son’s school lunches entertaining by using cookie cutters to make sandwich shapes. She has shared a favorite link that I think has some wonderful ideas for quick, easy, yet entertaining lunch ideas: http://www.kraftfoods.com 

A Boost Up

Q ~ Catherine in Flower Mound asks: Barb, my son is 44 inches tall and just turned 5 years old. Do I need to switch him to a booster seat or can I keep him in his 5-point harness? I just feel like it is safer but want to do what is safest.     

Barb ~ Catherine, good for you to think about the safest option. I went straight to the product expert on this one; Heidi Parker with Graco Children’s Products answers: Hi Catherine, as long as your son is within the height and weight requirements of your 5-point harness seat, you can (and should) continue use. Check your instruction manual and labels on the side of the seat to determine the height and weight requirements. Also keep in mind, that if your son's shoulders are above the top harness slots, he is too big for the seat and a booster would be a good next option. Your son does meet the requirements for booster seat use, however if your 5-point harness seat allows, that is your best option because it does provide additional protection. 

Yes, Boys Have Penises

Q ~ Mindy in Rockwall asks: Barb, my 3 year old is always talking about his penis. I am so worried because he starts school this fall and his dad thinks its funny so I get no help from him. How can I get him to stop and what do I do when he does it in public without making a bigger scene?     

Barb ~ Good news and bad news. You wont stop it (example, your grown husband still thinks its funny) but you can teach him, eventually, what is appropriate and what is not, and where it is appropriate and where it is not. You don’t want to shame him, confuse him, or engage him. It is important that he knows he can come talk to you if he does have a problem with his penis, so try not to overreact. This behavior is completely normal for children his age. He is learning about his body, and eager to tell others about it. He may also be encouraged by the reaction he gets, including the laughter from dad or the shock value for mom (it's funny to him). I suggest having a two-way conversation with him often, addressing what is appropriate and what your expectations are, what is private and should not be shared. Ask him questions so you can figure out why he is doing it. Let him know calmly that there is a place and time for everything and remind him about manners. Try to be very matter-of-fact and not react emotionally when he does it. Eventually the entertainment value will wear off. His school will be broken in by the last thousand or so boys who came through their front door yelling “penis.” They will be able to reinforce your message to him. Lastly, don’t worry about what others in public may think. Strangers do not parent your child and their opinions should not influence your parenting.

Crib Mates

Q ~ Charlotte in Bedford asks: Barb, my 18 month old has become attached to some of her dolls and wants them in the crib with her when she goes to sleep. I have been paranoid about the safety of toys in the crib so I am sneaking in after she falls asleep to take them out. At what point is it safe enough to let her have a doll or three in the crib?     

Barb ~ While a stuffed animal or doll can bring comfort to a child and help them (and you) sleep better, you need to take certain precautions to make sure your child is not in danger from the toy. The most important guideline is to always read a toy or doll’s label before giving it to your child. Warning labels have important information about the product’s contents, composition and the suggested age range. Never give an infant a toy that is intended for an older child. Make sure all the parts, seams and edges are secure. Even if the smaller parts are tightly attached to the toy, they can still be broken, pulled, or bitten off. Avoid toys stuffed with small pellets or other choking hazards and remove any loose strings or ribbons. The American Academy of Family Physicians recommends you are vigilantly careful with toys for children under the age of three. “The parts should be bigger than 1-1/4 inches in diameter and more then 2-1/4 inches long. Any smaller is a severe choking hazard.” You will also want to avoid anything that makes noise or lights up as this can not only be a distraction to your child in the middle of the night, it can startle you awake with the fear that Chucky and his bride have nested in the nursery. Depending on the size of your daughter’s toys, I would limit her guest list to a number that would not cause distraction, crowding, or an escape route. I have watched a 15 month old child stack his crib toys and attempt to climb on them and out of the crib. Examine her dolls regularly for signs of wear and tear, loose, damaged or broken parts. If she is especially attached to a particular doll, consider purchasing a duplicate for emergency situations or grandma’s house.

Lip Service

Q ~ Kendra in Carrollton asks: My girls love to put on different scented and flavored chapsticks and lip balm all day. Can they get addicted? I thought I remember hearing that using these too much can be harmful.     

Barb ~ Technically, no, they most likely will not develop a physical chemical addiction, but overuse may lead to dependency and minor problems. Lip Balms primarily give the lips a protective layer of something to seal in moisture, possibly protect from sun or wind damage, and maybe even have healing benefits. Some of these healing ingredients can actually have a drying effect, making you feel like you need to apply more. Some dermatologists are concerned with the “medicated” brands which include menthol or camphor. These exfoliate the lips and have a soothing effect. Overusing these brands breaks down the outer layer of skin, thinning the lips and further drying them. Some taste and smell so darn good that kids end up licking it off their lips, which also dries your lips and may make you feel like you need more lip balm. So problems may develop depending on what and how it is being used. If your girls have the fancy scented and flavored kind that they end up using as a meal replacement, try finding a less appetizing petroleum-based brand. Read labels and avoid giving them medicated or healing products if their lips are healthy.

Pacifying Pockets

Q ~ Gina in Dallas asks: Is it really necessary to give babies larger pacifiers as they grow bigger? Or is it just good marketing like so many other things out there?   

Barb ~ Experts I spoke with agree that you should change the size of your child’s pacifier as your child grows. The size change is in part for your child’s comfort. However, based on recommendations by the American Academy of Pediatrics, experts say there are only two sizes you need to purchase. The first is for babies under 6 months of age and the second for babies over 6 months of age (ish). You may notice some brands that size in three-month stages. Other brands, such as Born Free, only include these two necessary stages. While it is recommended that you change your pacifiers about every three months to avoid them falling apart, you do not have to move up in size every three months.

Pierce Be With You

Q ~ Karen in Frisco asks: Barb, my daughter wants her ears pierced. She is only 7 and her father thinks she is too young. I am on the fence. Do you think this is too young?  

Barb ~ Karen, You don’t see many 7 year old boys with pierced ears, or 7 year old girls with makeup. But a 7 year old girl with pierced ears is not something that would turn heads. I do not think that this is too young if she is making the decision. Of all the battles that you will have to choose, this is not a major one. She needs to practice making her own decisions, and you need to practice allowing her to. This is also a good lesson in saving up to have it done, choosing a reputable place to have it done, and taking proper care of the piercing (have her save for this as well). Did you ever let her apply a fake tattoo when she was a toddler? If you did, you probably were not worried about it because it was not permanent. While lobe piercings may never completely close up, if she regrets her decision, she will not be left with any kind of scarring that would make children run away in fear. In a few years, when she screams “You never let me do anything,” you can remind her that you let her pierce her ears.

Out With the Peanuts

Q ~ Melissa in Flower Mound asks: Barb, we have been told that we can no longer send peanut butter sandwiches to school. This was never an issue when I was in school and I think it is unreasonable to expect other families to be responsible for a child’s allergies. What do you think?  

Barb ~ Melissa, I think that my child is easily susceptible to injuries sustained by weapons, and therefore his school, in order to protect him, is a weapons-free zone. I think it’s a good idea so we are totally supporting the effort. Because, well, it is a good way to ensure he won’t be hurt by a weapon while at school, because his teachers can’t keep an eye on him at all times. Of course I control the weapons arsenal while he is in my care. But I do have to trust that he will be looked after while he is in the school’s care because exposure can be fatal. All kidding aside, food allergies in general are on the rise, and an estimated 100 to 150 people die each year from food allergies. A peanut allergy is scary. The Journal of Allergy & Clinical Immunology estimated that 1% of Americans (that’s about 3 million) is allergic to peanuts or tree nuts. The incidence of peanut allergies in children under 5 doubled in the 5 years from 1997 to 2002. So true, this may not have been something your parents had to worry about when you were in school, but it is definitely something you want to educate yourself about now. Just knowing that peanut products could cause a child’s throat to swell shut, killing them in as little as ten minutes to two hours, is enough to make me re-think packing my picky eater a peanut butter sandwich for lunch. He is only 6, and he can not be held responsible for making sure he keeps that sandwich away from certain students. An allergic child will have to eventually learn to avoid risky foods, but while in elementary school, it is the school community’s job to help protect him. With this kind of allergy, it is possible to experience reactions even with just touching the product. If your son eats the sandwich and does not wash his hands before going on the jungle gym at recess, the allergic child may have a reaction when touching that jungle gym. There are a few alternatives to the traditional PB&J that you can pack. We use a soy nut butter spread that tastes close enough. Just make sure that you label it as such and let the appropriate person know that it is not a peanut product.

Sharing the Load

Q ~ Carrie in Plano asks: Barb, my husband and I both work. Because I could not afford a longer maternity leave, I went back to work just one month after having our baby. She is now 7 months old. I don’t know how I can get my husband to help out more when it comes to the house and the baby. I clean the bottles, pack her for daycare, do all the laundry and cleaning, go to the store (he helps cook), bathe her, change diapers, play with her and put her to bed, and get up with her if she gets up at night, which is at least once or twice each night. I am exhausted. I have tried talking to him about it and it gets better for a little while, then he sees me relax a bit and he takes it as a sign that he can slack. Help!

Barb ~ Carrie, bring your husband to the computer screen and let him read the following:

My darling husband, I am tired. I am tired of being tired. I am tired of resenting you for how tired I am. I am doing too much and I can’t keep it up. I need you to do your fair share so that we can all be happier. I feel like I end up doing most everything that needs to be done or it will not get done. Because you are not doing it. It may look like I can do it better or easier or faster and therefore makes sense that I just do it. I may have enabled your lack of participation because it is easier to just do it than argue about it. But I promise if you practice a few times you will be able to do it the right way too. I also promise you that if you share the load, I will be able to relax again, and be that fun woman you want me to be. And just maybe if I get to relax I can make it to bed at a decent time and be in a matrimonial mood.

Here is the deal: You work. He works. You probably don’t have an option there. My advice would be different if you did not work. But outside of that, the family, the household, the marriage, the finances – these all need to be maintained equally. You have probably contributed to your situation by enabling him to sit out. It may seem like you can do the task easier, faster, or better, and want to avoid the begging and pleading for help so you have just been taking care of things to make sure they get done. So first agree to allow him to help, even if it is not the way you do it, and let him practice and get better. Make a list of everything that you do. Make a list of everything that he does. Talk about these tasks, explain to him why they need to be completed. Compare the list and see what can be moved off your list and on to his. You need to maintain constant communication and you may need to remind him about or update his list, but stay on him. Remember that he is used to you delegating so don’t wait for him to ask what needs to be done, have a list ready for him. If you find that you are still doing more then consider reducing your task list. For example, allow him to be responsible for his own laundry, errands, shopping, and cooking. Like anything you want to maintain, you need to assess things almost daily. Good luck!

Playgroup Pitfall

Q ~ Jessica in Mansfield asks: Barb, I attend a playgroup with about 20 other moms. One of the moms always seems so busy socializing, she never keeps an eye on her two kids. They wander off and we end up getting them, they fall down and she says “you are fine” and turns back to the conversation. They take food from the other kids, make a mess, and have fits and she does not seem to even try to teach them manners. It is so irritating to have to “babysit” her kids but I feel sorry for them and end up giving them attention. Then I miss out on my fun time. Help!

Barb ~ I am glad that you recognize how important it is for you to have your time, and your child’s time in the group, and that it is important you both enjoy it. While these groups offer support, and it’s nice to have someone hold the baby while you help your toddler with something, it is irritating when a mom behaves so selfishly and robs you of your experience. You do not seem to have a friendship to maintain with her, and do not need to worry about sparing her feelings. I think you have two options. The first is to let her know. Try to be honest, clear, and direct, but do so away from any children. I think it would be fine to have another mom with you, but unnecessary to have a large group confront her. Your other option is to privately discuss this with the person that runs the group or refs the children while they are playing and ask this person to address it.

I Want, I Want

Q ~ Kimberly in Allen asks: Barb, my 5 year old has become a chore at the grocery store. He wants everything he sees on the shelves. I don’t mind getting him a new thing to try but have a hard time saying no to everything he wants when he starts to nag or explain why he needs it. I waste too much time explaining why he can or can’t have something. What do I do?

Barb ~ You really need to be honest with your child and find various opportunities to discuss this with him beyond at the grocery store while you are shopping. Keep in mind that although he is old enough to understand your logic, he may not be able to apply it to each scenario or know the answer to a question before he asks. Further confusing to him may be that sometimes you allow it and sometimes you don’t, so he really may not know when it is okay to ask and when he should know the answer. Parents may have different practices when it comes to kids always asking to purchase things at a grocery store. You need to stick with what works for your family and what you feel comfortable with because that is what you will best enforce. Decide which limits you are comfortable with. You can make a “one item of your choice, period” rule or “we have to finish the last one we got first before buying more.” Or make the list with him before going to the store or in the car, allowing him to apply certain items to the list and sticking to it while at the store. Do talk to him about waste, space, and money. It is okay to say that if you get one thing you will not have enough for something else. This is a great time to consider an allowance. If he wants to purchase something not on the list let him know he will need to pay for it. I support tying allowances to chores so that a child learns how to earn money, and by making their own purchasing decisions at the store (what they want to spend their allowance on) they have an opportunity to learn how to budget. It is unreasonable to think you can have just a few conversations and solve this issue. There should be ongoing dialogue about not wasting food or money. Even some adults continually need practice or reminders.

Sink or Swim

Q ~ Susan in Grapevine asks: what are the differences in swim classes and which do you recommend?

Barb ~ There are a variety of settings that can introduce children to water, but not all are true lessons. Mommy and Me classes are a great first introduction that can help ease the fear of the water, let little ones experiment and play, and become comfortable with the water. Group lessons are great for little kids that feel comfortable in the water and don’t mind getting their face wet. Here they learn floating, arm and leg movements. Private Lessons are appropriate for kids that are not at all comfortable with the water, have a fear of water, or for those that really want to take it to the next level of swim instruction such as swim team and want the one-on-one to help them work on form, strokes and skills. Many classes enroll children as early as 3, but The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that you not begin formal swimming lessons until kids are at least 4 years old. That is the age that children are thought to be 'developmentally ready' for swim lessons. That doesn't mean that your younger children can't be taught to enjoy the water though. “You know your child best. Get them comfortable with water at the age you think is best,” says Children's Medical Center Dallas Injury Prevention Program Health Educator Kristen Beckworth. But Kristen warns against developing a false sense of security that the child can swim. The AAP recommends parents learn to practice 'touch supervision', which means being in the water with the child, within an arm's reach or able to touch the swimmer at all times. In recent years there has been a burst of “Survival” classes that work with the youngest of children and even infants 6 months and up on swimming and survival skills, such rolling over to the float position and finding safety in the sides or steps of the pool. We don’t know if children this age are capable of remaining calm or using judgment in an emergency situation as these skills are learned in a comfortable learning environment. Infants and young toddlers can not sense danger therefore swim lessons for them, formal or informal, must include comprehensive parent education. Do your research and pick the school that is right for you. It may not be the closest one, but try to speak to other parents or observe a class in action in helping you make your decision. For more information, please visit http://www.childrens.com/watersafety 

Car Seat Law Changes

Q ~ Jennifer in Dallas: I heard there were new child car seat laws coming out this summer. Like rear facing until age 2 and booster seats until 7? Can you help clarify the new law and when it begins?

Barb ~ The new law becomes effective in Texas on September 1, 2009, and simply states that children under 8 years of age or under 4'10" must be secured in a child passenger safety seat system. In other words, if your child is 7 or younger, or 4’9” or shorter, he or she needs to be in safety seat. If you fail to follow the new law, you will be issued a warning until June 2010. After that date, you can be ticketed for a “misdemeanor punishable by a fine,” and a judge can decide to require defendants to complete a specialized driver safety course that includes child passenger safety instruction. This does not mean you do not have to use a seat until then, the old law still applies. It means that even though your 4’8” tall 7 year old did not need to be in a seat according to the old law, they now need to be in one and you can be ticketed otherwise. As far as direction and type of seat, the new law does not specify. It only states that you must “keep the child secured during the operation of the vehicle in a child passenger safety seat system according to the instructions of the manufacturer of the safety seat system.” The manufacturers at a minimum follow the recommendations set forth by The American Academy of Pediatrics. Although not updated in the manufacturer instructions as of yet, parents should consult the most recent industry-accepted recommendations issued by the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Sun Smart

Q ~ Kristen in Frisco asks: Barb, my mother in law is all about sunscreen. She basically gives me an evil look if I don't put it on the kids just to go out to the mailbox. If my kids are only running around our shaded back yard for 30 minutes before dinner time do they need sunscreen?

Barb ~ Our primary source of Vitamin D comes from sun exposure, but that time should be spent wisely. There are a few factors to consider which can help you make the best decision. The first is the timing. UV rays are stronger in the summer and strongest between 10:00 AM and 4:00 PM when the sun is overhead. If your shadow is shorter than you are, prepare to fry. UV rays can travel through clouds and do reflect off surfaces such as water, sand, snow and concrete. A second factor to consider is your children’s complexions. Naturally darker complexions have more melanin, which absorbs UV rays in the skin’s defense against damage. All skin types will burn, but lighter complexions will burn faster. Lastly, consider the amount of sun exposure. Shade is great. But how much shade is protecting their skin? Conversely, how much sun are they exposed to on a weekly basis? Most sun damage results from a person’s usual day-to-day exposure. So the more your skin is exposed to the sun during the more intense times of the day, the higher your risk of skin damage is. The American Academy of Dermatology recommends that anyone over 6 months in age, regardless of skin tone, who will be in the sun for 20 minutes or more, during any time of the year, use a sunscreen with an SPF of 15 or higher on all exposed skin. Remember that sunscreen should be applied 20-30 minutes before sun exposure.

Alcoholic Sanitizers

Q ~ Sarah in Arlington asks: Barb, what is the difference among all the different hand sanitizers? Are the alcohol-free ones as effective as those with alcohol? Are the child-safe sanitizers strong enough for adults?

Barb ~ You are right to search for an alternative to the alcohol-based hand sanitizers. If ingested, the alcohol-based products can pose an intoxication risk to young children. It can also be very irritating to the skin. Those with cuts or minor burns, dermatitis and eczema may have a problem tolerating alcohol-based products. Alcohol-based products are also flammable. I am a big fan of the CleanWell brand of hand sanitizers. It has a pleasant scent but does not smell like candy, it does not dry out my skin, and the pump spray makes it easy for me to spray highchairs, restaurant tables, car keys, shopping cart handles and other surfaces as well as tiny hands. I contacted CleanWell to answer your question about the effectiveness of alcohol-free products and for more information. Here is Holly’s reply:

Hi Sarah, I work at CleanWell – we have an alcohol-free hand sanitizer that is proven in independent laboratories to be as effective as alcohol. Our patented formulation of essential plant oils kills 99.99% of germs including MRSA, Salmonella, Staph, and E. coli. So you can confidently use CleanWell just as you would an alcohol-based hand sanitizer. It is safe for children (there is no ingestion risk, doesn’t sting cuts) and is good for children and adults of any age. As a mom myself I’d like to share some information I’ve learned from working in this area for the past 3 years. Other non-alcohol hand sanitizers use a chemical called benzalkonium chloride. This biocide has been linked to asthma, dermatitis and may be a reproductive toxicant. The Environmental Working Group (the folks who first started to get the word out about the problem with BPA in plastic baby bottles) have started a campaign against benzalkonium chloride (http://www.ewg.org/node/27285) So I encourage you turn labels over to look for, and avoid this chemical, especially when it comes to young children. For more information about the toxic dangers of the alcohol-based hand sanitizers, visit www.cleanwelltoday.com/news to view a piece The Today Show did on this topic featuring a mother whose child squeezed the hand sanitizer on her hand and licked it off. A big thanks to Holly over at CleanWell for her time and informative answers.

Bath Time Blues

Q ~ Diana in Richardson asks: My son is 15 months old and he is afraid of the bath tub. He enjoyed his bath time in the kitchen sink. He is too big now. I have tried bubbles and bath toys, but nothing works. I don't like to see my baby cry every night when I take him a bath.

Barb ~ I’m not as much of a “Because I’m the parent” kind of parent, but try to stick to the Golden Rule and empathizing with a child’s fears or aversions. I think the issue here is fear. He may have a fear of something that is in the tub that was not in the sink. Could it be the drain? The shower head, the force of water, the slippery surface, the added volume of water or even the spout could be causing fear. Toddlers do not have the same sense of balance or permanence that adults do. Try putting yourself in his shoes. For example, I am put off by roaches. I would hate to sit in a tub of roaches every night, even if you did fill it with other things I like so much. So I recommend accepting his aversion to the bathtub right now and finding another way to get the job done. I say this because most toddlers overcome their fears quickly and on their own if you do not try to push them. Perhaps a sponge bath on a changing table, and a shampoo in the sink. Maybe he would be okay with an inexpensive inflatable tub placed inside the big tub. In the meantime you could work back up to the tub baths with water play, bathtub crayons, bubbles, and toys. Try filling up the inflatable tub with play things and a little bit of water and just putting it on the floor for play only. Then you could work up to him getting in and then placing it in the tub. I believe that if you let him know you understand and respect his fear he may relax a little and trust you to help him through it. Good Luck!

Hitting & Kicking

Q ~ Brandy in Frisco asks: Barb, please help! My 4 year old is having a problem keeping his hands & feet to himself. He loves to push over his younger brother and also hits/kicks the kids in his class. I've received several notes from the teacher and have had parent/teacher meetings with her in an attempt to resolve this matter as a team. Nothing has worked! Today, she informed me they're planning several field trips this summer and she will not let him go if we can't get this resolved. I am totally on her side with this, because it may teach him a lesson. But, if there any other ideas I can try before he misses out on these trips, I'd love to try them!

Barb ~ A 4 year old may hit because he wants something, wants attention, to exert power, or for escape. Not only is it difficult to understand why he is doing it, it may be frustrating him further every time you try to ask him why. The question for you is, “does he understand it is wrong and can he help himself?” If you feel he is unaware his behavior is wrong or he can’t help himself, or that he is angry or frustrated often, then I would recommend talking with his doctor and seeking help in teaching him new skill sets. If this is a behavior you know he can control, then he may need help learning better self-control. He may be reacting on impulse but you can help teach him how to respond to a situation appropriately. I have a few suggestions you can try, but make sure to give them a chance to work as consistency is key in discipline, and changing the rules too often will only lead to confusion and more acting out. While being clear on which behaviors will have negative consequences, remember to reward good behaviors consistently. If you catch him doing something right say “boy, I really like how you handed your brother his bottle; that was very nice of you.” If little brother is annoying him and he actually ignores it, let him know how great it is that he was able to stay patient rather than push brother around. Let him hear you brag about the great behavior to other family members. If you warn him of a consequence, make sure you follow through. Try to spend time observing him and see what sets him off. When you witness something that you think may set him off, try to re-direct his behavior before it happens. “Oh, no! Your brother took your book, let’s let him know that he needs to wait his turn. Say no, little brother, that’s not right. I was not finished with that book but I will share it with you when I am done.” It is important to give him an alternative when you correct his behavior. When you say “don’t kick,” give him some more information. “You don’t want to hurt anyone so if you feel like kicking then let’s go outside and kick a ball.” Or, “if you are not happy with what your brother is doing, let me know so we can tell him together.” Time-outs are still okay for this age, but rather than setting them for a specific time limit, end them as soon as he is able to calm down. Then discuss the situation leading up to the time-out, how he felt about it, and if he feels he is calm enough to return to it. You can try making a chart with multiple boxes for each day of the week. When he does something good or has a trouble-free day, let him put some stickers on it. When he does something inappropriate, let him give back stickers. Agree on the behaviors and the reward system. For example, on one side you can print images of the behaviors that earn him stickers and on the left, the behaviors that will make him loose stickers. When the boxes are full (shoot for at least weekly) reward him with a special event with you, his pick from the dollar store, a movie, etc. Put this on the refrigerator and refer to it often. Make sure you are setting a good example yourself. How do you talk to him, his brother, or his father when you are unhappy with their behavior? Do you spank? It’s just as important to show him as it is to tell him how to behave. Continually reinforce the lesson of impulse control. There is a great series of books called Best Behavior Serious and include “Hands are Not for Hitting,” and “Feet are Not for Kicking.” Read these with him often (there are longer versions for children his age). Finally, keep up the good communication with his teacher. Good Luck and I hope you email to let me know how it goes!

Going Out With The Rude Customer

Q ~ Amy in Plano asks: Barb, I recently made friends with a mom from my playgroup. We both have older children the same age and have been spending time together doing different things. The problem is she is very rude to people that work in the stores or at the restaurants. She treats them with disrespect and makes snide comments about their service, she even calls them “idiot” or “stupid” when they can hear. She has gone so far as demanding to speak to a manager at a restaurant about service and asking “what are you going to do for us?” It is so embarrassing! It is starting to make me sick to my stomach and I am trying to avoid doing certain activities with them but my oldest really likes his friend. What should I do?

Barb ~ I have always said that high schools should mandate an internship in the service industry. It could humble the otherwise snotty and disrespectful customer. By your description, her behavior is not warranted, and it should not be tolerated either. One day a business will tell her, “We don’t want your kind of customer.” I always try to think what message your actions send to your children. You are not the one being malicious, but you have been putting up with it. This is tough because it is not her child doing it, so the kids should be able to spend time together, without your child seeing her get away with that behavior. I would talk to her. Hopefully she does not realize what she is doing and will change her actions when you point them out to her. Hopefully she imagines someone speaking to her like that, or her children, and she decides she does not want to be such a turd. If it goes the other way, then be prepared to explain the truth to your child. And be prepared to tell yourself, “We don’t want that kind of friend.”

Prenatal Workouts

Q ~ Kara in Dallas asks: Barb - I am expecting in August and already have a 13 yr-old and 2yr old. I am desperately looking for a good prenatal workout dvd I can do at home. I would really like to find one so that my kids can join in too. I have one I use now but it's not fun and does not keep me interested. Do you have any suggestions of good fun prenatal workout DVD's? Thanks!!!!

Barb ~ It will be tough to find just one video that will hold your interest for this long. I recommend you try to rent a few different videos and find a fitness style you like. You may prefer Yoga or Pilates over a traditional workout. If you have cable you can record various episodes on the different fitness channels. For example FitTV offers a Fit Mom series which targets pre and post natal moms. I also recommend reading Delivering Fitness, Your Guide to Health and Strength Training During Pregnancy, available at http://www.deliveringfitness.com/. Although not available in video, the Delivering Fitness program is very impressive and the book offers valuable tips and advice on nutrition, diet and exercise that you can incorporate into your family’s schedule. Co-author Erinn Mikeska, Certified Personal Trainer, Pre & Postnatal Fitness Instructor, and fitness model, recommends mixing it up. Erinn recommends taking outside walks while the weather is nice or using a stationary bike. Look for a program that includes strength training, and water aerobics are also wonderful for prenatal fitness. Water aerobics are “easier on the joints and the water allows natural resistance while the body maintains proper temperature.”

Collect Them All

Q ~ Beth in Sachse asks: Barb, my 8-yr old is a fair-weathered collector. We've gone through superheroes, sports, movie memorabilia and other collectibles. He hasn't touched some of these in months, and their price ads up. I don't want to squash his passions, but how much is too much?

Barb ~ You should set a limit that you are comfortable with. Certainly you don’t want to break the bank on every collection, or even every item in the collection. But even if you could afford to “collect them all” consider the many lessons to be learned in your situation. I always say one of the most important jobs we have as parents is to prepare our children to survive as adults in the “real world.” This is a great opportunity to talk about earning, saving, and responsibility. It is great to support hobbies and interests. You can do that without buying complete collections at once. Plan for birthdays and other special occasions. Give your child extra chores to earn one at a time or use allowance to help him learn how to budget. Talk about the items he is no longer playing with and decide what to do with them. You can discuss donating them, trading them in, or saving them. My mother-in-law managed to save so many of my husband’s books, toys, and other items. I love that my husband now reads his favorite childhood book to our son at bedtime, the same book his parents read to him. My son has great respect for the Transformer and Star Wars collectibles that belonged to his father 30 years ago. Include your son in the decisions and planning and decide together what you works for your family. He will have a greater respect for these items.

Water, Water Everywhere

Q ~ Stephanie in Frisco asks: Barb, My 12-ounce can of soda lists carbonated water as its main ingredient. Does that count as at least one of my 8 ounce glasses of water?

Barb ~ After hours of research and interviews with a family doctor, a neurologist and the folks at The Coca Cola Company, I found your answer: Yes - If you really must. You can count the water in it, but it’s a matter of the risk outweighing the benefits. You also have to count the 9-12 teaspoons of sugar in there that combat the health benefits of the water. So if you are okay with your 8 ounce glass of water having that amount of sugar then bottoms up. By the way, medical experts don't agree that even that much water is necessary. But the bottom-line answer is you can count water intake from food and most beverages (not alcohol) towards your daily intake. Diet soda may better serve you. Different studies have been flying around on this subject, but a majority show that diet soda has little difference from water, physiologically. The caffeine, sweeteners and other ingredients are generally safe -- it takes mega doses to show problems in animals, and there are no proven problems in humans. “I have never seen a scientific study that shows Diet Coke causes serious health problems in an otherwise healthy individual,” says neurologist L. Chalienne. While occasional caffeine use can be mildly diuretic and actually dehydrate you, studies show that this is not the case for regular consumers of caffeine. Something tells me you consider yourself a regular user. A 2004 report on water needs released by the Institute of Medicine of the National Academy of Sciences “concluded that all beverages, including those with caffeine, contribute to hydration.” (The Coca Cola Company, 2009) Another recent study published in the Journal of the American College of Nutrition showed caffeine is not dehydrating in healthy people who are drinking normal and regular amounts of it. "We found no significant differences at all," says nutritionist Ann Grandjean. The rule applies equally to tea, juice, milk and caffeinated sodas: One glass provides about the same amount of hydrating fluid as a glass of water. Again, Tina, alcohol is a different story. Calcium loss caused by diet sodas has been debated recently. But again studies show and experts agree that although there can be a minuscule amount of calcium loss, it is trivial and not a significant factor of bone loss for individuals consuming a balanced diet. And here in lies the lesson to this story: Balanced Diet. Moderate Moderation. Jane from the Coca Cola Company put it best: Flavored Beverages are meant to be used for refreshment.

The Scoop On Poop

Q ~ Mike in Dallas asks: Barb, If evil had a smell, it would be the smell coming from our diaper genie. Today my friend came over and it hit him the second I opened the door. I can smell it all over the house. I think our 52-pound Shar Pei is even offended by it. Any ideas?

Barb ~ Among the many ingredients inside your diaper pail are bacteria, both dead and alive, that continue to grow and produce smelly odors. The longer they sit, the more they fester. So obviously the cut to the chase answer here would be: Get them out of your house. Seriously, there is no need to leave them inside long enough to start stinking up the whole house. Here are a few tactics that may help: When changing a stinky diaper, shake off anything shakable into the toilet and flush it. Keep some inexpensive or re-use old zip lock bags to seal stinky diapers. You can try keeping some dryer sheets in the bottom of the pail and using baking soda inside the bags. When you empty the pail, wipe it clean with some Lysol or vinegar solution. Remember that plastic is porous and will absorb orders as long as you allow it to, so empty your pail daily.

Movies at Daycare

Q ~ Dawn in Mesquite asks: The daycare my 2 year old attends wants to show movies every Friday. I really do not want him to be "forced" to sit through a 90 minute movie he is not developmentally ready for. Any suggestions?

Barb ~ I spoke to a few Day cares and found that policies and philosophies range across the board. They all agreed on one thing however - good communication between the parent and the daycare provider is very important. I would suggest making an appointment to speak to your provider when there are little distractions around, and the two of you can concentrate on discussing your concern and coming up with alternatives that work for both parties. Perhaps there are some quiet activities your son can do during that time. Knowing which movies were selected in advance may give you the opportunity to decide on a case-by-case basis if you wish your son to participate or sit out. Respectfully understand that it may be a challenge for the facility to designate a quiet area with extra help that does not distract the children who are watching the movie. Speak to other parents, if more share your concern then the facility may want to look at how the movies are chosen and come up with a list the parents can mostly agree on. Ultimately, you need to be happy with how the facility you choose handles your concerns. Just remember to be realistic, and weigh all options. Good Luck!


Probiotics?

Q ~ March in Dallas asks: Everywhere I turn in the grocery store I am seeing "probiotics." Juice, dairy - it just seems to be everywhere. The products are more expensive so I am wondering is there anything behind this or is it just an advertising ploy?

Barb ~ I have reached out to the Founder and CEO of the HAPPYFAMILY brand of baby and toddler food. HAPPYFAMILY has co-authored a book with Dr. Sears and nutrition advisor Amy Marlow, available this fall. Here is what Shazi Visram tells us: Probiotics are certainly not simply an advertising ploy to charge more for products, but an all natural functional ingredient that have been shown to improve asthma, eczema, allergies and digestive balance, thereby strengthening the immune system. Here is more from the HAPPYFAMILY FAQ: What are Probiotics and how do they work? Probiotics are “friendly bacteria” that live in our intestines and help the immune system by discouraging the growth of harmful disease-causing bacteria. By discouraging the growth of disease-causing bacteria, probiotics provide a boost to the immune system and help to prevent or treat a variety of ailments. Strains of these healthy bacteria have been shown to reduce colic in infants and also to prevent eczema and allergies when given to pregnant women and infants. Probiotics may also help reduce the symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome, prevent all kinds of allergies, help manage lactose intolerance, promote bowel regularity, and prevent infections in the intestines and elsewhere in the body including bronchitis and pneumonia. How often does my child need to consume probiotics? To maintain a healthy balance of organisms in the intestines, it’s recommended that children and adults consume probiotics daily. If your child needs to take antibiotics to treat a bacterial infection, consider increasing her intake of probiotic-containing foods and/or giving her a supplement of probiotics, as the antibiotic will not only kill the harmful bacteria in her system, but will kill many of the healthy probiotics, as well. You can register to download a copy of the entire FAQ on Probiotics & DHA as well as HAPPYFAMILY’s infant and toddler Nutrition Guide by following this link: http://www.happybabyfood.com/nutritionGuide/signupNG.html 

CATS Testing

Q ~ Kristin in Dallas asks: Do you know anything about CATS testing? I'm applying to a private pre-K and my son had to have this test. I was not allowed to be with him while he was being tested. I just got the results which are split between "verbal" and "nonverbal" performance but still have no idea what was tested and what we need to work on. The schools and testing center will not give me any clues. Thanks!

Barb ~ I asked industry expert and Guide to DFW Private Schools author Lynn Magid. Her response is "CATS is the central place where the preschoolers are tested. They are looking for information regarding maturation when the child separates from the mother. The verbal section measures responses to questions and rates a child on the complexity of their sentence structure in response to general questions for example: “what does your daddy do?” Performance activities involve the use of pencil and paper activities. There are certain expectations that correspond to children’s age’s example: circle and square drawings." A few calls to admissions departments in top Dallas schools resulted in similar answers. It seems that the "performance" activities test problem solving through puzzles and sequencing. There are a few "consultants" who claim they can help prepare children for CATS testing. The schools that I contacted warned that it is easy to spot children who have been "coached," and if noted in the examiner's report, coaching is not viewed favorably in admission decisions.

Car Seats: Little In Size, Big In Safety

Q ~ Laura in Flower Mound asks: Barb, my husband is getting a small sports car. Can you recommend a small, light weight car seat that meets safety standards?

Barb ~ There are several types of car seats out there so you really need to choose the right one for you based on your child’s age, weight and height. Among the highest rated brands are Britax, Maxi Cosi, Graco, and Sunshine Kids, and you can find hundreds of online user reviews on these and other popular brands. However, seats may fit differently in different cars. A car seat expert would be able to make suggestions based on your needs, but there is a lot of information available that can help you narrow your choices. There are two websites I highly recommend. The first is http://www.car-safety.org/guide.html, for its wonderful information and helpful links. The second is http://www.carseatdata.org/ which has an online database of car seat and vehicle compatibility compiled by Certified Child Passenger Safety Technicians. You select the year, make and model of the car and it will tell you which seats are a good fit. Your best bet is to find your top choices and go to a retailer which carries them. Have your child try each seat and offer input if they are old enough. Good Luck!

Mama, I want to stay!

Q ~ Jenny in Dallas asks: Barb, my son is 19 months old and has a hard time leaving places. We are very active and go to parks, play class, zoo, even out at a restaurant he has a really hard time leaving when it is time to go home. He starts trying to run back, screaming, crying and causing such a scene. Help!

Barb ~ Toddlers really struggle for control and independence. They have opinions and want them to be considered. Yours is having a difficult time telling you that he is not ready to leave, and the frustration of not being able to communicate it causes the tantrum. Try to empathize, imagine having all decisions made for you each day: what to wear, what to eat, when to play and when to leave a place that you are really enjoying. Giving them some sense of control and ownership helps to minimize the frustration and resulting tantrums. One way to do this is by letting them know what is coming next. “5 more pushes on the swing and then it will be time to say bye-bye.” Make sure to count down each push and when it is time to say goodbye, let your toddler tell the swing goodbye. Look all around and tell everything goodbye, let your toddler wave to everything, including trash can, rocks, slide, birds. Build enough time into your trip for this. Then after you have told everything bye and your toddler understands what is coming you can give him another choice to make. “Do you want to get into the stroller by yourself or do you want mommy to put you in the stroller?” The key is to let them know what needs to happen, but to allow them to choose how it will happen – as long as you are comfortable with either choice you give. You can say, “It is time to make lunch, do you want a sandwich or do you want soup?” Give them limited and clear choices, and try to get down on their level and be face to face. Just having a choice to make will often be enough of a distraction. If he still causes a scene then try not to react. Just go about your business. It is important not to give a reaction to this behavior that may encourage it to continue. Good Luck!

Unified Discipline

Q ~ Paula in Sachse asks: What is the best way to get my husband on board with disciplining our son? My husband is a pilot and is gone several nights a week. He feels the need to "make up for it" by being easy and bending the rules for our 5-year old. I want to balance my husband's sensitivity to being away from our son with setting a common set of boundaries. Thanks!

Barb ~ For this answer I went straight to the expert: Kay Willis, The Nesting Place Owner, LC, RN, and all around baby expert. Kay interacts with parents daily in her classes (she primarily teaches Prepared Childbirth, Baby Basics, The Happiest Baby on the Block, Breastfeeding and Infant Safety and CPR) and has seen many in your situation. Here is her advice: Paula, You are on the right track trying to maintain balance with consistency. You may try to explain to your husband that this helps to set boundaries that your child can depend on. When your child makes choices he now knows which way to proceed due to the skills you have given him. When we begin changing rules, we give children a new behavior that alters their boundaries. We can rationalize this, but the kids can't. We have also offered a perfect tool for manipulation as they get older. Having consistent family boundaries and mom and dad on the same page make for secure children who know how to behave even when you aren’t there. Read Love and Logic and Dr. Karp’s Happiest Toddler on the Block to see these ideas in practice. Thanks Kay!

My First Pet

Q ~ Jennifer in Dallas asks: What is a good candidate for a first pet? I have a 6 month old daughter and a 7 year old son! Thanks!

Barb ~ There are many things to consider when choosing a pet for your family. Although some studies show that children under the age of one who have been exposed to pets have a lower occurrence of allergic rhinitis and asthma during adolescence compared to children who had no pets, the American Academy of Pediatrics warns against bringing a furry pet into a home with infants and young children if you have a strong family history of allergies. The AAP recommends cats and dogs as a first pet if allergies are not an issue. I forwarded your question to River Legacy Parks & Living Science Center for their opinion and received this reply from Debbie Vernon, their Assistant Director of Early Childhood Education: “My first thought was that a kitten was good place to start in terms of a pet that the 7 yr old could interact with and maybe assume some responsibility for its care, like feeding (dry food is not too messy). I don’t think that a kitten coming into a house with a baby already there would pose the same risks as an adult cat that a new baby comes home to. To my way of thinking, cats require an easier sort of care than hamsters or turtles, and allow for more interaction with a child than something like fish. Dogs are needier than cats, both socially and in terms of care required, like walks. Cats can also be left unattended in the house with less risk than dogs.......but you do need to be able to deal with a litter box and place to keep it that a crawling baby cannot get into. The bottom line is that all pets require some level of care that may be challenging with young children in the house, but that is also how children learn to respect the needs of other living creatures.” One other consideration on the non-furry side: since you have a young child, it is best to avoid turtles and other reptiles as pets because they harbor salmonella. For more information on children and pets, see http://www.aap.org/publiced/BK0_PetSafety.htm. Big thanks to Debbie and to River Legacy. River Legacy offers a variety of wonderful programs for preschool through 8th grade that provide an interactive, engaging way to learn about wildlife, ecology and the environment. Open Registration for the 2009 Summer Classes is Saturday, February 28, 2009 at 9 am at River Legacy Living Science Center. For more information, check out www.riverlegacy.org/classsummer.html 

Best Indoor Play Places

Q ~ Aimee in Rowlett asks: What are your Top 10 indoor places to take a Toddler (20 months) to play? I have the toughest time finding good quality indoor activities for my daughter! Thanks Barb!!

Barb ~ Thanks to everyone who submitted your suggestions for the Top 10 Indoor Play Places to take a toddler. I reviewed all the submissions, keeping in mind Aimee was asking specifically for her 20 month old. Here are the top-ranked submissions, in no particular order.
~ Museums: I’m a big fan of the Museum play areas because they offer educational, explorative, and imaginative play.
~ Ft Worth Museum Science & History, temporarily housed in Cowgirl Museum for now but new museum scheduled to open Sept 2009.
~ Dallas Children's Museum
~ Your local Shopping Centers play area. I’m a fan of these as well, but the small spaces get old quick. With no admission however, a good place to quickly burn off some energy.
~ Libraries – story times may be stressful trying to keep some toddlers quiet, but the puppet shows and interactive fun may be for you. You can see library story times daily in our Event Calendar.
~ Chuck-e-Cheese – the toddler play area is actually okay and I really appreciate the salad bar.
~ The Little Gym and Gymboree Play and Music- I personally love Gymboree and my son enjoyed the play, music, and art classes until he began pre-school. It was a great way to offer him some social interaction.
~ Wiggly Play Center – with $5 daily admission with your Metroplex Baby Savings Card, the friendliest staff around, healthy, extremely reasonably priced menu, and cleanest play area I’ve seen, it’s no wonder it was included in 98% of the submissions. I also appreciate the WiFi.
~ River Legacy Parks & Living Science Center – small indoor area but has so much to offer families with children of all ages, including themed events and educational programs.
Various Inflatable jumping places were mentioned but I have a difficult time suggesting these for a toddler, even with the ones that offer a toddler area for the simple fact that you are required to sign a liability waiver before you can enter these places – waivers that ask you to acknowledge possible resulting injuries, paralysis, or death; and that you will hold harmless the business. You as a parent should have reasonable expectations of any place you visit, but the liability waivers are a requirement for a reason – chances of getting hurt are high. For more suggestions, or if you are searching for something specific, simply enter your zip code or city and what you are looking for in the search box that is on the top of every page on Metroplex Baby & Kids.  

Choosing the crib & stroller

Q ~ Iris in Dallas asks: What crib and stroller would you recommend?

Barb ~ I can’t recommend one crib or stroller without knowing which kind you are looking for. This may seem overwhelming, but you have many options to choose from. A good place to start with strollers is by evaluating your lifestyle. Are you a homebody? Do you go on outings often or just run quick errands? Are you active? For cribs you’ll want to decide if you plan on having another child within 2 years of the first, and if you plan on coordinating bedroom furniture to grow with your child.

Strollers come in all shapes and sizes and with various functions. Pram Strollers are like a Moses Basket on wheels. They are great for babies until they are sitting up, especially for naps and diaper changes. You will find many strollers that offer the carry cot or bassinet as an accessory, allowing you to customize the seat for longer use. Compact or Lightweight Strollers, also called Quick Use strollers, are great for running errands, narrow spaces, traveling, and for anyone not wanting to pack the kitchen sink for their outing. They should be easy and quick to fold, weigh less than standard strollers, and have very basic features allowing for a comfortable ride but no-fuss toting. They may lack a tray, cup holder, storage pockets or sunshade. Most will not be customizable. In contrast, Standard Strollers have more features, such as the food trays and cup holders, larger storage baskets, room for headphones and a small kitchen sink. They will be heavier but can offer plush comfort on a long day out Travel Systems can make your stroller purchase last and your life easier. These strollers allow you to use your car seat in the frame, and even change out infant and toddler seats, tires, and textiles. They can be customizable and have many innovative features such as a stay in car base, swiveling seat, high chair capabilities, and one-touch fold/setup. Jogging or All-Terrain Strollers are perfect for the fitness-minded or rugged travel. They usually have disc-style brakes, all-terrain wheels, and other automotive-sounding features. It’s like a standard stroller modified to stroll the Baja 1000. Once you narrow down the kind of stroller you need you will decide which features are most important to you.

Cribs also have various styles and features to choose from. A standard crib can have a drop side, wheels, or drawer underneath for extra storage (which also offers extra stability). A convertible crib will transform to a toddler bed and sometimes a junior bed, in some cases even into two chairs. These will grow with your child and make your purchase last longer. However, if you plan on having another baby, you will have to purchase another crib since it will be in use. When considering round cribs, remember that special sheets may be more expensive or difficult to find. These choices can seem overwhelming but once you identify your needs, the real shopping fun begins!

Messy Da Vincis

Q ~ Genie in Fort Worth asks: Barb, my kids love to paint but try as I can, the mess gets out of control. I end up telling them “no” because I don’t want to clean up. Any ideas on how to avoid the mess and still let them have fun?

Barb ~ Genie, I’m not sure how old the kiddos are, but my avoidance of serious cleaning has led me to develop some great tips that may help. First, buy Press ‘N Seal in bulk. You’d be surprised how many surfaces this stuff can cover. If you are letting them paint on a table, wrap the Press ‘N Seal around the edges of the table and it stays put, unlike any loose coverings such as newspaper. After the little Da Vincis are through with their masterpieces simply peel off the wrap and toss it in the recycling bin. You may have to give a glass top a quick spray of Windex to remove any sticky residue, but hey, no elbow grease needed. By the way, Press ‘N Seal is also really cool for collages. The kids can collect things like leaves, grass, feathers, and such and stick them right on to the Press ‘N Seal. Place another layer on top to frame it. Back to kid’s paints, which are washable – and hosable! Try sidewalk paint or chalk on the driveway, it can be hosed off but I let nature take its course and wait for a good rainfall to refresh that canvas. You can also lay out an old sheet or cheap drop cloth on your driveway and let them paint on that. With a canvas this big, you can skip the brushes and use finger paint on hands, feet, elbows and knees (all hosable as well). You may be asking, “what about in this cold weather?” Move the party indoors, I say, and take it to the tub. Tape large sheets of paper on the tile and let them go to town. Any paint that misses the mark can be rinsed off the tiles (as long as your grout is in good condition). You may as well give the kids a bath while they are in there. Finally, they may be entertained with some mess-free art such as the Paint with Water books or Color Wonder by Crayola. But where is the fun in mess-free?

Paper cuts, shmaper cuts!


Q ~ Elaine in Mansfield asks: Barb what is the deal with all the packaging for toys? It took us half of Christmas trying to get the toys out of their boxes. Shouldn't they be conserving recyclable materials?

Barb ~ This menacing packaging is causing damage to the environment and to the people trying to open it. Did they background check the sinister geniuses who came up with this evil packaging? One British watchdog group estimates over 800,000 tons of this packaging filled their landfills and it will take 500 years to decompose. If that’s not the gift that keeps on giving – since toy manufacturers are not putting enough information about recycling on their packaging this will lead to more than 400 extra tons of harmful C02 from this past Christmas alone. It is so much the norm that Home Improvement stores are now selling a snipping tool gadget with angled jaws, a dual-headed screwdriver on a swivel hinge and a retractable cutting blade specifically invented for springing your goods from their plastic prison. Really? Is State Farm offering a “Gift Giving” rider for insurance policies? This gadget is in demand though, an estimated 6,000 people go to the emergency room every year to be treated for injuries resulting from opening packaging, either from the sharp instruments they use to try to cut through the packaging or from the cut or torn hard plastic itself. ER doctors see many a laceration or puncture from this new phenomena described as "wrap rage.” So “what is the deal” you ask? Contrary to popular belief, the main reason has little to do with preventing theft. It can all be summed up with the ironic explanation I got from one toy company: “for the safety of the toy.” Do you remember when we were kids opening gifts – how often we were disappointed to open a box and find that they toy inside looked nothing like the exaggerated picture on the outside of the box, or like in the commercial? Our kids are way savvier then we were. They want to see the toy and what it does. They want to push the ‘Try Me’ buttons so they can hear what kind of noise the toy makes. It’s the try it before you (make mom & dad) buy it mentality that led toy companies to package their products to allow for the most appealing display. This means the toy has to be secured to the box, and it has to be protected - from the delivery truck to the shelf to your home. I do want to give kudos to Amazon.com. They now offer Frustration-Free Packaging, “free of excess materials such as hard plastic clamshell cases, plastic bindings, and wire ties.” Amazon is working with select manufacturers such as Fisher-Price to deliver products inside recyclable, easy to open boxes. You can find a list of these manufacturers online.

Toddler Bruises

Q ~ Allison in Plano asks: My baby just started walking and is covered in bruises and scratches. I have seen pads and helmets for this age but don't want to go overboard. What do you recommend?

Barb ~ That is a good question Allison. Overboard would be the mom who could not watch her twin boys playing in the yard so she tied a rope from the clothesline and secured the other end to their waistbands. True story, I know the twins and the mom. Since my first child had a broken tooth and a broken arm before he was 15 months old, I went straight to America's leading expert in the field of child and family safety, Thom Golden RN, BSN, ("Dr. Baby Proofer") for the answer. Dr. Baby Proofer feels that scratches and bruises are minor injuries, the kind children will get throughout their lives, the kind that you will not always be able to stop. He believes you should not worry about guarding against minor injuries, but instead preventing serious ones. “You can only stop severe injuries by properly baby proofing,” says Dr. Baby Proofer. So don’t worry about the scratches and bruises, and don’t make a big deal out of them when they happen. If your baby sees you reacting with fear, then he or she may begin to react in a similar manner. Enjoy this time; they are so fun to watch as they start exploring!

Holiday Schedule Break

Q ~ Caroline in Dallas asks: With the holiday break coming up I am dreading the school-break schedule. My kids want to stay up later and sleep in and I want to stick to a routine although I admit I would enjoy sleeping in a bit myself. Are there recommendations on altering sleep schedules during a break from the regular routine?

Barb ~ I hear you and I look forward to the day my children sleep in and allow me to as well. But maintaining a regular bed and wake time, even on the weekends, is important according to the National Sleep Foundation. While the individual child may differ, most children need and thrive on routine. Think of daylight savings time – it takes the majority of families one week to adjust to that single hour change. The sleep-wake cycle is regulated by a “circadian clock” in the brain that needs to be kept in balance by the body. Your schedule becomes a habit, and waking up around the same time each morning makes it easier to fall asleep at night. Major changes in your routine upset the cycle and it could take longer than the holiday break for the body – and your family to re-balance.

Toying With Age

Q ~ Amy in The Colony asks: Barb, is it okay to purchase toys that are recommended for ages different than my child's? My 7 year old son seems ready for many that he is technically not old enough for. But if I don’t have to worry about choking hazards, is there a reason to adhere to the age recommendations?

Barb ~ First you need to know that there is a difference between the Manufacturer’s Suggested Age Range and Legal Age Requirements. The suggested age range is basically the target market for the manufacturers, or who they are trying to market the product to. To satisfy Legal Age Requirements, the product must be tested. For example, the marketing director of Zoobies tells me, their products are safe for any age as there are no injuring or loose parts, but are suggested for ages 3-11 because that is their target market. Testing will highlight any dangers (such as choking), and how much it will challenge or interest a specific age group. The toy might be suitable for children of a specific age (the age recommended on the product), but there may be safety hazards associated with a lower age group. In this case a mandatory warning must be printed on the package. Some manufacturers state the specific hazard next to the recommended age (mandatory in European and other countries but not in the US). When toys are tested for suggested age range, product testers observe children playing with the toys and look for things like developmental skills needed, how much it holds their interest, how children play with the toy, among other things. If your child was under 3 you would need to pay close attention to the recommended ages on the box. At this age though, you can use your best judgment.

Caught In The Crib

Q ~ Ashley in Euless asks: I am wondering why there are not safer guidelines for crib safety. My son got his leg caught in between the slats. It was quite traumatic and painful for him. I contacted the store where I purchased the crib and it is out of warranty so they will not help address the issue. I don't believe this is a warranty issue, is the company not obligated to do something if the product caused harm to a child? I looked online and apparently this happens often?

Barb ~ Ashley, you are correct that it is quite common, it happened to my son as well. In fact, most of the people I interviewed were not surprised to hear it. Crib safety standards were strengthened after 1978 and are set by United States Federal Safety Regulations. The standard for the vertical bars, or slats, that run along the sides and sometimes the head and foot of a crib should be separated by no more than 2-3/8 inches. The technical test involves a block of wood that is 2-3/8 by 2 -3/9 by 4 inches (about the size of a soda can) that should not be able to fit between the slats. One crib manufacturer, C&C tells me the federal agency regularly pops in to their facility for inspections and does measure the slats. I spoke with Underwriters Laboratories, an independent product safety testing and certification organization based in Northbrook, Ill., and learned that this space was considered the safest standard. They prefer the slats over solid panels for proper air circulation and for visibility of the child, but admit that a leg or arm will still get caught. Jim Streight is the owner of Great Beginnings in Gaithersburg, Maryland, the largest baby and teen furniture store in the United States. He has been in the industry for 20 years and tells me that the 2 -3/8 standard is set based on the minimum pelvic width of the baby which can slip through feet first, past the hip and strangle at the neck. He explains that even the tiniest of space will still catch a knuckle or hand and believes the current standard allows for the least amount of injury. He recommends using a mesh bumper (there are many on the market that allow for proper air circulation and visibility while covering most of the slats). I use a similar bumper with my daughter and we have avoided any limbs from getting caught and pacifiers falling.

The Truth About Santa

Q ~ Jill from Allen writes: My 5-yr old is asking pointed questions about Santa Claus. I don't want to take away the magic! What should I tell her?

Barb ~ Ultimately you will need to offer her the explanation with which you are most comfortable. Some feel children will trust parents more if they are given the straight truth from day one. I’m a glass-is-half-full kind of person, so I am not comfortable with debunking it all as made-up. I think the story of Santa presents us with invaluable life lessons. I’m not talking about the reindeer-flying, cookie-addicted stranger who visits you through your chimney. I mean the Santa who represents the spirit of kindness and generosity; who cares about all children no matter their differences. Learning the truth about Santa Claus is in many ways a rite of passage. I plan to read to my kids about the legend of Saint Nicholas, much admired for his kindness and charity. As we accept the historical roots of Santa Claus, we move away from the fantasy and have the opportunity to be forgiving and kind Santas ourselves. Instead of feeling they were being lied to, I hope my children will feel “bigger,” because now they are part of a group that knows the big secret but can still happily believe in the joy that Santa still brings to both children and adults.

Don't Cover Up Baby

Q ~ Sarah in Arlington asks: Every time I see a blanket covering an infant car seat or stroller, I cringe and want to tell the parent about the resulting risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Am I overreacting? Should I mind my own business?

Barb ~  Both the Alliance for Infant Survival and the First Candle Organizations agree that there is never really a good reason to cover an infant in a car seat or stroller. It can cause the baby to over-heat and does not allow for proper air circulation which can cause the baby to re-breathe stale air. Covering a baby in an infant seat may lead to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, or, SIDS. The dangers of covering up the infant seat or stroller will never outweigh any danger you may face from the weather or curious strangers, so even using a cover for a short time is not a good idea. Even more shocking are products that are designed to specifically cover babies in seats or strollers. Unfortunately, there are not yet standards in place to regulate the industry. Educating moms who may not know any better, while seeming pushy to some, may save a baby's life. I would encourage you to have these moms visit http://www.sidsalliance.org for more information.

Ear Scope

Q ~ Mary Kate in Allen asks: Barb, is there a way to check for ear infections at home? I don't want to replace the doctor but also don't want to run to the office/ER if the ear isn't even red?

Barb ~  There is a product made by Safety 1st from their ProGrade Health line: the Clear View Ear Scope. Designed and developed with professionals in the infant health field, it works by lighting and magnifying your child’s ear canal so that you can take a look inside your child’s ear. The name is fitting; it is a very clear view indeed. I would suggest getting it before you need it, so that you can get used to the way your baby’s ear looks, making it easier to detect changes that may signal a problem. You’ll want to follow up with your pediatrician but this will help you rule out ear infections. I have been looking into every neighborhood ear that I can find for the past few days and am amazed at how clear this is! I can see every little tiny bump and groove and hair! I have not spotted an ear infection yet, but you can bet my neighbors will be knocking on my door when their children’s ears start to hurt!

Hard Facts About Wood Floors

Q ~ Jennifer in Southlake asks: I have sealed hardwood floors in my kids’ rooms. The kids are always on the floor and the baby drags his pacifier around when crawling on them. I want a floor cleaner that keeps them clean but I am worried about the safety of chemicals in them. Can you recommend something?

Barb ~  Hardwood floors are very easy to clean and with the right maintenance can last years without special treatment. The most important part of your maintenance will be to keep them swept or vacuumed so that dirt does not build up to scratch them. You can vacuum as needed and use a Swiffer or similar product for light maintenance (my son loves to run the Swiffer around). Most hardwood floors are now finished with acrylics or a finish called polyurethane, a plastic looking coating that is extremely hard wearing. Other penetrating seals consist of wax or oil finishes that penetrate the wood and protect from within. These are very easy to maintain by vacuuming and cleaning with a damp mop. Using vinegar to clean hardwood floors is another easy and safe solution to keep your wood surface looking good, but make sure to test a small area before you mop the whole floor. White vinegar is great for cutting grease, removing odors, mildew, most stains and wax buildup. To use, mix 1/2 cup of white vinegar to 1 gallon of warm water. Be careful to have proper ventilation as you may find it to have a strong odor. Finally, there are a few products out there, such as the Shark Steam Mop that use water to steam clean your floors. This offers a safe alternative to chemicals, and when used correctly is very effective.

Trash Talk

Q ~ Anonymous in Dallas asks: Is it better to scrape food into a trash can or into a garbage disposal? My husband says it is not good for our pipes but I don’t like the idea of putting in the trash to attract insects or animals.

Barb ~ The best option for your food waste is to compost it. If you do not have the time and do not want to simply throw it away because, as you mentioned, trash attracts insects and animals, putting most food waste in the garbage disposal will not hurt your pipes unless your waste is fats, oils, and grease. These can clog your pipes or sewer lines. If you have a septic tank, then remember the more you put in to it, the more often you will have to have it cleaned. Here are some more facts: the city you live in, whether you have a septic tank or use the sewer lines, and what kind of food waste you’re dealing with also are factors to consider. If you have a septic tank, you have to prioritize. Most food will decompose, but not all. Eggshells and coffee grounds just take up space in your septic tank. I called the City of Arlington’s Water Utilities Department and asked them to weigh in. They warned about putting fats, oils, and grease into the disposal because these can clog up your pipes. But what about the rest of your food waste? Well, it goes from your disposal, down your pipes, and into your sewer line. From there it goes to the city’s sewer lines and then over to the Trinity River Authority. You pay your city, which in turn pays the TRA to treat the waste water. The clean water goes back into the Trinity River and the waste removed from it goes over to the landfill. (As an aside, the TRA has given the city of Arlington over 2 million dollars in fee increases to treat the waste water since October 1. Rate increases from this and other cities will get passed on to you, and will be the largest part of your utility bill increase.) So what happens to your food waste if you scrape it into the trash? Well, it goes directly to the landfill. I spoke with Vince in the municipal marketing department of Arlington Disposal Company. He told me that food decomposes or biodegrades at different temperatures and in different time frames, but 90% of it decomposes into a liquid called leachate. This liquid makes its way to the bottom of the landfill where it is pumped out and - get this – put into the sewage system. So they then pay the Trinity River Authority to treat it, and you know the rest. I know your question was is it bad for your pipes, but I just found all that so darn fascinating that I could not help including it.

A Bedtime Story

Q ~ Brandy in Frisco asks: My 3 year old son, loves books! At night, we always read a book to him, then allow him to read a book of his choice on his own. I believe there should be a time limit on how long he's allowed to stay up past his bed time to read. However, my husband believes he should be allowed to read as long as he wants to, because he doesn't want us to indirectly stunt his reading desires. Any advice?

Barb ~ My immediate thought was that if he picks up on exceptions to bedtime, he will learn how to use them to stall. But I went straight to the expert on this one: Suzanne Bonifert, Head of Speech-Language Pathology Services UT Dallas Callier Center for Communication Disorders. She writes, "Hi Brandy, That is great to hear! As a speech-language pathologist, I love to see kids interested and engaged with books early. It sounds like you have a bedtime routine down pat with reading a couple books, which is reasonable. Although it is important to encourage young children's involvement with book-reading activities, you don't want it to be so long that it is at the expense of altering his sleep routine too much. Also, some children like to ask for extended book reading activities at night to get the focus off bedtime. Getting enough sleep is just as important for his development. So I would continue the routine of a couple books a night, and tell him that when he wakes up, you can read more books together during the day. He can then get lots of interaction and stimulation with books when he is bright-eyed and bushy-tailed!" Thanks so much Suzanne!

Public Bathroom Paranoia

Q ~ Anna in Fort Worth asks: I have just started potty training my toddler but public bathrooms freak me out. Do the seat covers really protect you? Is there a product that will make it safer for my daughter to use a public bathroom?

Barb ~ The public bathroom, as clean as it may look, still has plenty of germ hot zones. I could cite lots of scary statistics for you but just trust me when I tell you it can be really gross. Did you know that a restroom’s hot water tap may have more germs than the toilet seat? Same may be true for the sink, countertop, mirror; toilet paper, paper towel, and hand soap dispensers; and especially the door you open on the way out of the restroom. Always take your daughter to the bathroom before leaving the house. You will eventually need to find a public bathroom, and while you want her to be aware of dirty surroundings and proper hygiene, you don’t want to go overboard and scare her or turn her into THAT kid. So talk to her about touching as few things as possible, using paper towels or toilet paper as a “buffer” if you need to touch a dispenser or flusher, and to never touch any part of her face before you have washed very well on the way out. ALWAYS use a paper towel to shut off the water faucet when you’re done washing your hands as well as to open the door on the way out. When a sink and water aren’t available, sanitize your hands with an alcohol-based hand gel and wash at the nearest sink you can find. As far as helpful products, I really like the portable seat covers. There are a few that fold and can be stored in a plastic baggie in your diaper bag, complete with handles for a child to hold onto. Remember to pack extra wipes too. Should you have to use the disposable seat covers (you can purchase child-sized ones) or toilet paper to line the seat, remember to cover the entire surface and with enough layers.

Double Standard Discipline

Q ~ Melissa in Allen asks: Barb, I have a very well-behaved 6 year old and a 2 year old who is very "spirited." I hate to admit it but I have a double standard in the way I discipline them. I find myself coming down harder on my 6 year old because she listens better and corrects her behavior. I give my 2 year old several half-hearted warnings and let so much go without follow-through, which I never did with my 6 year old. I want to treat them equally and feel torn and guilty every time I notice what I am doing. Any word of advice? Thanks!

Barb ~ I suggest a 2-step process: #1) Stop it. #2) Drop the guilt quicker than you can say “time-out.” You’re doing the best you can with what you have. Your 2 year old is different from your 6 year old and probably will need different discipline methods. They key is that the 2 year old does need discipline and you do need to be consistent in dealing it. You seem to understand that though, so I want to focus on why you are being inconsistent. Do you find it easier to just give repeated warnings rather than stop what you are doing to follow through? Do you feel it takes more time to follow through, time away from your daily duties or from your oldest? Or maybe this is your baby and you want to spoil him appropriately? You know the half-hearted warnings are not going to fix anything, it’s like slapping a band-aid on a cut that, left untreated, will begin to fester and ooze. It’s time for you to rip off the proverbial band-aid and suffer the shorter-term sting rather than to set your child up for longer-lasting suffering from unrealistic expectations, a false sense of entitlement, and a frustrating lack of boundaries. Communicate your expectations and consequences and be prepared to follow through every time. Like any major deed, if you take the time to do it right the first time, you won’t have to do it again. When you catch yourself being inconsistent, remember that you are setting yourself up for a bigger, more overwhelming cleanup job in the long term. Not to mention the extended parent-teacher conferences you will undoubtedly be called to.

Barring Minors

Q ~ Carol in Southlake asks: We were at a restaurant recently and waiting for a table at the bar. We ordered drinks for ourselves and a soda for my son but the bartender told us according to the law, we could not have a minor in the bar at all. Was he following a law or just not being very family friendly?

Barb ~ Carol, a quick call to the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission confirmed that there is no state law that prohibits minors from being in the bar with their parents. An even quicker call to the City Manager’s Office in Southlake verified there is no city ordinance against it either. It is possible -and perfectly legal- that this is the restaurant’s policy. The bartender may have mistaken the policy for a law, or found it easier to state it as law to avoid a customer becoming argumentative over it. You may consider it as not family-friendly, but try to empathize with the rest of the customers around you. Children (not yours or mine of course) do from time to time beseech attention. Think of the couple that finally hired a babysitter so that they could get away from their children and enjoy a romantic evening, or the regular customer who wants to curse freely in a room full of adults. The bartender’s attempt to maintain an ambience may be found offensive by some, but probably greatly appreciated by the customers who where there with the reasonable expectation of being in the company of adults only.


Smelly Washer

Q ~
Sam in Grand Prairie asks: Barb, the inside of my washer smells like mold. I have tried running empty cycles with bleach and water but I can not figure out where it is coming from. Any ideas?

Barb ~ Yuck, I know that smell. Just imagine how many of those tiny microorganisms must be colonizing before they are powerful enough to emit that smell. Mold enters your house as tiny spores and can grow anywhere but needs moisture to grow – and thus destroy whatever it grows on. Most common molds in manageable amounts are harmless to healthy individuals but can cause problems for people with allergies, asthma, or weak immune systems. I don’t want to be unfair, many molds are helpful and used in the production of good things like penicillin, cheese, soy sauce and sake. But they become a problem when they land where we don’t want them and then begin to putrefy our stuff. Realizing I have been ignoring the exact same problem, I call the makers of my washer, LG and talk with a specialist (Richard). We worked under the assumption that you have a front-loading washer, both because this problem is most common in these types of washers and also because that is what I have stinking up my laundry room. Most front-loading washers are designed to have a rubber gasket with a flap at the opening. From time to time water collects within the flaps of the rubber gasket. Your owner’s manual probably suggests that at the end of the day, you should dry the rubber seals and inside flaps to remove the water and humidity that collects in there. That is what causes the build up over time. You should also leave the washer door open to get rid of the humidity in the washer. To deal with the existing problem, run a sanitary cycle with the highest temperature available on the unit, using liquid bleach (no detergent) to help diminish any smell that may be impregnated in the drum. If you do not have a sanitary cycle, dilute ¾ cup bleach in one gallon water and with a cloth clean around seals and in drum, then run a full cycle at the highest possible temperature. If you have been ignoring it long enough, you may need to clean the drain pump or drain filter, usually located in the bottom front part of unit behind the little mystery door. Soapy watery and lint builds up here and needs to be expelled every couple of weeks or you may run into other drain issues. There are different front-loading washer cleaners available that you simply pour into the drum or, Richard recommended a product called Whirlout, available at appliance and home improvement stores. Richard was very adamant that I know that all of this is covered in an owner’s manual and that anyone can perform this maintenance.

Ants-Be-Gone

Q ~ Christine in Dallas asks: Barb, how can I get rid of the tiny ants in my kitchen without using chemicals harmful to the kids?

Barb ~ Ah, tiny ants. Scientific Name: Anuisance Amongus. Much like our single friend Steve on Family Taco Night, few uninvited pests are tougher to kick out than ants. In fact, ants are the number one pest problem in the country (trailing close behind are the brilliantly gifted TMZ reporters). Here are some more cool facts about ants:
• They live in colonies numbering up to 500,000 and can relocate quickly.
• They age well. Worker ants live to about 7 years and the queen may live as long as 15.
• They can nest anywhere and come in through the tiniest cracks. The lone scout that comes out in search of food and water leaves a chemical scent trail for others to follow.

You can find hundreds of do-it-yourself ant control solutions, but they may only control the ants you see. You have to destroy an entire nest to get rid of them completely. For your question, I sought out the advice of the experts at River Legacy’s Living Science Center. Naturalist Lisa K believes you may be dealing with sugar ants, which lucky for you are relatively easy to get rid of in an eco-friendly way using a mixture of sugar and boric acid or borax, a mineral mined in the California deserts. It is generally non-toxic to humans in small amounts, but not a good idea to leave out where the children can find it. It’s a slow-acting poison so the ants ingest it and take it back to the colony. You can make your own bait using the recipe below or purchase Terro brand sugar ant baits. To make your own Ant Hotel, mix one cup of corn syrup or sugar water with one cup borax. Take 4 shallow jars such baby food jars and put a tissue in each, pour in ¼ cup of the solution, then fill with water to one inch of the top. Screw the lid on (secure if necessary to deter children or pets) and using a hammer and nail punch 6 holes in the lid. Spread the jars around the kitchen and other areas frequented by your guests, but out of the reach of children or pets. To keep the ants from returning, remove any food sources by wiping down counters, sinks and floors. For more information, Assistant Director of Early Childhood Education at River Legacy recommends Howard Garrett’s Texas Organic Gardening Book.

The Stain Game

Q ~ Faith in Irving writes: Barb, my kindergartener comes home with numerous stains on his white uniform shirt. I confess that I do not know how to use bleach, and am actually scared that I may drop some on the carpet. Please give me some stain removing tips! Thanks!!

Barb ~ Your choice in arsenal will depend on the composition of the stain and the material of the shirt. Protein stains, oil-based stains, grass and ink are among the stains that react and set differently. Cotton and synthetic fibers also react differently to treatment. Check the tag to see if bleach is safe to use. If so, keep in mind that bleach does weaken clothing, so first start with diluting it in the wash before adding the shirts. I am a big fan of stain removers and soaking stains before washing. You can spot-treat with bleach immediately before washing. I like the Dial Corp website for a reference guide, but here is a run-down just for you: Fruit Juice- Rinse in cool water, soak with stain remover for 20 minutes, then wash as usual. Grass- Pre-treat with a stain remover or detergent with enzymes, use bleach in warm water. Paint (most kids paint is washable and water-based)- Rinse in warm water, pre-treat with a stain remover then wash as usual. Ketchup/Tomato Sauce- Rinse in cold water, treat with stain remover, then wash with detergent and bleach. There are many bleach alternatives available, even detergents with bleach. You can even hang the shirts to dry outside and the sun will bleach them.

Wet Nights

Q ~ Katrina in Sachse writes: Hi Barb, my 3 1/2 year old daughter has been potty-trained for a year. Well, almost. She never has accidents during the day, but she still wears a diaper at night. We try to restrict her fluids after dinner time, and we make sure she goes potty before bed, but she still has a very wet diaper every morning. We have been putting her potty chair in her room at night, but most of the time she either doesn't want to get out of bed to pee, or she just sleeps too heavily and doesn't know she pees in her sleep. We have rewarded her the few times she has gotten out of bed to potty, but it doesn't seem to be enough motivation. Please help!

Barb ~ While daytime training involves physical readiness, habits and learned skills, nighttime control is almost wholly dependant on physiological development and is for the most part involuntary. Basically, you did everything right but she just can’t help it right now. An adult bladder can signal the brain that it is full and we awaken with the need to go. For children, this warning signal comes with age. Most pediatricians do not expect a child to stay dry at night until the age of 5 or 6. In fact, less than 75% of children your daughter's age are physically capable of staying dry all night, and only 80% under the age of 5. You should never make a big deal out of an accident, nor should you discipline for something involuntary. Even though your daughter may want to be a big girl all night, it may be a good idea to use pull-ups until her body is ready. My son was happy with a compromise of wearing pull-ups over his underwear “just in case.” We never pushed nighttime training in our home and he eventually (around 4.5) and very easily made the transition with few accidents. Stick with limiting the drinks and taking her before bed, and again before you go to bed. My only other advice is to relax, not make an issue out of it, let her body develop and enjoy uninterrupted sleep. After she is dry for about two weeks straight, you can try again. A great tip I got was to layer your mattress pads and sheets so you can simply remove a layer in the middle of the night instead of changing the complete set.

The Dirt On Lettuce

Q ~ Mr. Always Wrong in Keller writes: Please settle this for my wife: If the salad mix bag says “triple washed,” do we still have to rinse it?

Barb ~ Remembering the spinach-related E. coli outbreak in 2005, I called my old friend at the Health Department for some answers, expecting to hear some frightening data that would scare me into eating nothing more than gum for lunch. The kind of chilling, terrifying, bloodcurdling statistics that sci-fi movies are based on, that prompt hidden-camera investigative reporting. But the anticlimactic, official bottom-line answer is no, you do not have to rinse lettuce that is labeled “Pre-washed,” “Ready to Eat” or “Triple-Rinsed” as long as it comes from a government-inspected facility. However, there is always a small risk in consuming anything. Here are some interesting facts you can use to dazzle Mrs. Always Wrong: Rinsing produce with just water only removes 60%-90% of microbes. At the processing plant, the produce is washed twice with chlorinated water, and then rinsed to remove the chlorine. It is possible that a pathogen makes its way into produce through the root system. In this case, no amount of washing will prevent contamination. If a microorganism is not removed by the triple-rinse system, it is unlikely that it will be removed by additional rinsing in the home. For more information about the safe handling, storage and preparation of produce, visit http://www.cfsan.fda.gov/~acrobat/prodsafe.pdf.

Art Pile Ups

Q ~ Renee in Fort Worth writes: My daughter has been attending a summer camp before she starts kindergarten this fall. She has brought home such wonderful art projects but already I am running out of space for them. I want to save them all but need some creative space-saving ideas.

Barb ~ Art projects really can pile up, and you still have years of collecting these rare treasures. You can be creative in preserving the fine art without taking on another mortgage. Take a picture of your daughter holding larger projects for your photo album. For those hundreds of paintings and drawings, cut away empty borders and make a collage out of the center of the masterpieces. Try transforming smaller projects into holiday ornaments. Gift projects to family members, they will love receiving such creative presents. Even if it means investing in some storage boxes, try saving what will store well. My husband’s mother saved many of his toys, books and art projects and presented them to him when we were pregnant with our first. It was a special time as my husband went through these things and relived childhood memories. He was so proud to give them to our son and say “I made this when I was your age.”


Allowance Sense and Cents

Q ~ Heather in Austin writes: I was wondering about allowance...when should a child start receiving allowance? What is a reasonable amount? And should the allowance be based on merit (chores, behavior, etc.)? Thanks.

Barb ~ Part of my job as a parent is to prepare my children to go out in the real world and arm them with the tools they will need to succeed; including learning the value of money, the value of earning something you want, and the satisfaction of getting what you work for. That being said, I found two schools of thought regarding allowance and chores. One feels that chores should be required of each family member as their contribution to the family unit, and that kids should not get paid to do what is expected of them. Another feels that an allowance should be earned and chores are a great way to teach real-life lessons such as working for your money, budgeting for something you want, and having a sense of ownership for your “job.” I have found chore charts to be great motivators, and the allowance a rewarding learning tool. You can start when your child is ready. A younger child can be motivated with a sticker chart that “rewards” with special treats other than money. This is also a great way to reinforce behavior. The “chores” at this age can be updated as needed but may begin with picking up toys, clearing plates, using good manners and being gentle with the family pet. When the chart is filled up (a week is reasonable), you can have your child pick out something from the dollar bin at Target, take him for ice cream, or anything that is a special reward. You can start teaching them about earning by assigning jobs. For example, if they help you at the store, you can give them a quarter for the gumball machine or the rides. I was once out of quarters so I paid out in Chuck E Cheese tokens, which my son began to save up for his next visit. For the record, experts suggest an allowance for chores start around the age of 5 and suggest a dollar per year of age. Pick chores that are reasonable and appropriate for them, will make them proud to accomplish, and update them as needed. I always include a general “Helping Mom/Dad.” He may help with a house project or spring cleaning, or with lawn work. Give them the option to spend it, save it, or share it.


Troubled Waters

Q ~ Mindy in Arlington asks: I admit I can be germaphobic but water parks gross me out. My preteen goes often with her friends but I worry about her getting sick.  Are they safe?

Barb ~ It is possible for illnesses to be spread at water parks, usually due to the negligence of the patrons rather than the personnel. The most common illnesses cause poopy tummy and the most common way they are spread: poop. According to the CDC, the average person has just enough poop on their poopers that can contaminate the water if they are sick. Anyone with a gastrointestinal “problem” should not swim in public waters. Young children should wear swim diapers, or taken to the bathroom regularly. Care takers should wash their hands after changing a diaper. Generally speaking, water parks have the highest of public health standards, testing the waters throughout the day to ensure water safety. They do this by maintaining a proper level of the chemicals that fight bacteria, and training personnel in preventing cases of contamination. Your city performs inspections on water parks. To put your mind at ease, check your city’s website for inspection scores or give them a call to see if any problems have been reported or for a history of the water park’s compliance with local codes.

Diaper Swiper


Q ~ Paige in Carrollton writes: Barb, Help! My son manages to get his diaper off at night and makes a mess! How can I get him to stop?

Barb ~ The solution to this one depends on your child’s age. He could be doing this because a full diaper is uncomfortable and hot, or he may be exhibiting signs of being ready to toilet train. Or it could just crack him up when he sees your manic reaction to his fecal funfest in the morning. If he is not ready to toilet train, then you will need to deter him from doing it by making it impossible. He will grow bored and the ca-ca combat will loose its entertainment value. For the low-level security breacher, try putting him in pull-ups, which are harder to undo, or a wearable blanket such as a Halo Sleepsack, which has an inverted zipper. If you require maximum security confinement, try purchasing an inexpensive zippered sleeper, cut the feet off and put him in it backwards. You can also cut legs and sleeves off for the summer. Make it a crew neck if you dare. One final tip a friend gave me as you find the solution that works best for you: Layer the sheets on his mattress. That way you can just take off a layer instead of lifting up the mattress to change the sheets every time. I hope your Huggies Holiday will come to an end quickly!


Bumper Jumper

Q
~
Cathy in Plano asks: Now that my daughter is 7 months old she is moving all around her crib at night, which I think is very cute to watch on the monitor, but it seems she is getting her legs and arms caught in the slats of her crib. This is kinda scaring me because I don't want her to get hurt...is there a better alternative than using her bumper pad that came with her bedding? I am using it now, but there is still some space at the bottom where she finds to grab on to the slats still! Thanks!

Barb ~ Hi Cathy, You do have some options with breathable crib bumpers or crib shields that are designed to provide a mesh barrier for the slats in your crib. I like Breathable Baby and use it in our crib. This product covers a larger area of the crib walls but is collapsible to prevent climbing. It is weaved between the slats of the crib to prevent limbs from getting caught or pacifiers taking a dive. Definitely take a look at the crib fit guide on their site to get the right product for your crib. I had to weave and re-weave a few times to get the fit I needed. I also tucked mine a bit lower below the mattress edge so my baby can not reach under it. You will have one or two corners exposed and may need to make some adjustments if you lower your crib rail, but in my opinion this is the best alternative to traditional bumpers. It is easily removed and washable.

We All Scream For Ice Cream

Q ~ Leigh in Dallas asks: Barb, have you ever made your own ice cream? I have found some recipes that look like fun for the kids to make but I am afraid of the mess and waste.

Barb ~ MetroMom March Baremore, winner of the Ice Cream Contest at the Sate Fair, wrote to let us know she has the perfect answer: I love making homemade ice cream with my kids. It can be really easy and inexpensive even if you don't have an ice cream maker at home. One way to do that is in plastic sandwich bags. 1. ICE CREAM IN A BAGGIE: Put in a sandwich-size Zip-Loc bag and "zip" closed: 1 T sugar, 1/2 cup milk or half & half, 1/4 tsp vanilla. Put in a gallon-size Zip-Loc bag and zip closed: 2 T rock salt (baking aisle), the filled and zipped sandwich bag from above, ice cubes to fill bag about 3/4 full. Shake and roll bag over and over until frozen (about 15-20 min.) 2. ICE CREAM IN A COFFEE CAN: Chocolate Ice Cream 1 cup heavy cream 1 cup light cream 1/2 cup sugar 4 T cocoa 1/2 tsp vanilla extract 1/8 tsp salt Coffee Ice cream 1 cup heavy cream 1 cup light cream 2 T instant coffee granules 1/2 cup sugar 1/8 tsp salt For all varieties: In 1 lb. coffee can mix all ingredients. Seal can lid well with duct tape. Put small, sealed can inside larger 3 lb. can. Pack ice and 1 cup salt around small can. Put lid on large can and duct tape closed. Roll back & forth on a large towel (optional) for 15 minutes. Open large can and dump ice and water. Wipe small can dry and open. Stir mix, scraping sides of can. Additional ingredients (cookie crumbs, chopped nuts) can be added now. Reseal small can and place back in larger can. Repack with salt and ice. Continue rolling for 10 minutes more. Open large can and dump ice and water. Wipe small can dry and open. Enjoy! Neither of these methods involves churning so if you are expecting the really smooth creamy texture of a store bought ice cream you might want to go with an ice cream maker.

Breaking The Chain Mail

Q ~ Maricole in Fort Worth asks: Barb, my friend is always sending me ridiculous chain emails. How do these things start? 

Barb ~ It is hard to say who starts these things, though some may be intentional; others have origins in legitimate happenings. Perhaps a Hype-chondriac takes a few legitimate facts and runs with them. You may have seen the email warning us that telemarketers will have our cell numbers. This may have originated from the fact that a cell phone directory is being created for 411 uses (do not panic, you have to opt in to be included). Another recent email chain warns of the dangers of energy-saving light bulbs, suggesting that they have dangerous amounts of mercury that are released into the air, and it would cost thousands to have a hazmat crew clean up in the case one of these bulbs breaks in your home. This story snowballed out of control after a CFL bulb broke in one mother’s home. She called her local DEP agency, which did not have much experience in this, and was told having a cleanup crew come in was one option (the agency later admits this option was excessive).  The chain emails usually relate to Charity, Luck, Petition, Money, or just for the heck of setting a word record. The first probably originated in superstition and dates back to the 1800’s. You can see a wonderful study of the evolution of Chain Letters.

Receiving these from a friend is almost worst than receiving them from a stranger because you can at least block the stranger from further impositions on your time.  But don’t be gullible or afraid, you can safely delete these emails. You probably won’t break the chain and stop them from circulating, but you can be sure that AOL and Bill Gates are not tracking what you do, even if someone wrote, “I got a check” or “I saw it on CNN”.  Similarly, if it came from somebody’s good friend who is a lawyer or a preacher, it is bogus as well. The Nigerian son of a prince in Switzerland does not have $27 billion that they need to trust you with, and we can not cripple a gas company by not buying gas next Wednesday. Nobody is going to send you on a fabulous getaway, give you cars or televisions, or fat checks just because you forward an email. But if I see any of that reported on CNN, I will gladly retract.

Dinner Time Chaos

Q ~ Jennifer in Mesquite asks: Barb, My almost two year old has to be watched during all his waking hours. I pick him up on my way home from work but can barely make dinner without having to chase after him 100 times or keep him from getting hurt. It's been frozen entrees, salads or sandwiches for a while now. How can I make a real dinner and save him from himself at the same time?

Barb ~ I can certainly relate! I think your biggest challenge is keeping him interested in one project for any length of time. I can offer a few tips to try and hope that a few may work on your curious toddler. Your main goal is to keep him where you can see him. I am a big fan of baby gates. I have one in the kitchen and use it to keep the kids near as much as I use it to keep them away. If you can, involve him in what you are doing. Let him prepare something with his own ingredients; give him some dough to play with, a mixing bowl and some dry ingredients for him to "prepare." At this age my son loved water so I would fill up some measuring cups with water and food coloring and let him mix colors in some bowls. I also let him fill up the kitchen sink with some bubbles or his sea animals, or even just some measuring cups, spoons and funnels. I dedicated one shelf for toys he could play with such as plastic bowls, measuring cups, toy food, empty food containers for him to pretend play with, anything safe. He loved to scoop, so I often kept dry rice, beans, and different shaped pastas for him to sort into ice cube trays, scoop, mix, measure or funnel. Another favorite was magnets on the fridge or dishwasher. Leap Frog makes some wonderful activity games for this age that are perfect for the fridge. You can also buy magnetic sheets for your printer so you can customize a game, puzzle or activity for your son.

Product Review: Sit n Stroll

Q ~ Myha in Arlington asks: Hello, Barb! My husband and I are taking our baby (who will be 16 months) to Hawaii in August. I'm just wondering what you think about the sit'n'stroll car seat/stroller combo. I just love his regular stroller and am so used to it, but the last time we traveled, he had the carrier that you could just drop on the stroller. Now he's in a convertible car seat and I dread bring the convertible (unmatching) car seat and a stroller. Any suggestions?

Barb ~ MetroMom & expert Summer Holbrook has the answer for you! Here's Summer: Dear Myha, I am a seven-year flight attendant for a major American carrier and in that time I have seen just about every kind of seating arrangement for children and babies. The one that most amazes me is the Sit n Stroll. I always knew that I would buy the Sit n Stroll when I had a child, after seeing the ease with which other moms used it. Once my daughter was old enough for the convertible car seat, we tried to travel with that and an umbrella stroller. Bad idea- the car seat was too heavy, and with all the other luggage we had, it proved to be too much to handle. And it was too large to fit in the airplane seat. It was during that trip when I told my husband that I was buying the Sit n Stroll. My daughter and I just got back from the UK with our new Sit n Stroll. I cannot begin to tell you how much easier it was to travel with. The Sit n Stroll is light, easy to get through airport security, combines the necessary elements of a full size car seat with a basic stroller and it's safe, FAA safe. One limitation of the Sit n Stroll is the flexibility of the stroller function. The Sit n Stroll is low to the ground and not designed for off road use. Therefore, in a beach and nature trail heavy vacation spot like Hawaii, the Sit n Stroll could come up short. But for a vacation like Hawaii I suggest bringing a frame baby carrier. With all the trails and beaches the carrier is what you will end up using. However, in an airport or urban environment, no other product comes close. If your baby is not yet walking, place her/him in the Sit n Stroll as soon as you get out of your car at the airport parking lot. The baby should not have to come out of the sit n stroll until you get to security. This frees up your arms for other things, like bags. I recommend that in addition to the Sit and Stroll you also take an umbrella stroller, for off road adventures or for long days out where you will not be traveling in a car. As for the security line, it takes about 10 seconds or less to fold the Sit n Stroll. Place it upside down on the security belt, so it will fit thought the machine better. The Sit n Stroll will fit down the aisle of first class but not coach. Also, I recommend asking the flight attendant for a seat belt extension for your car seat, it makes it fit easer. The Sit n Stroll comes with LATCH system belts and this comes in very handy for longer car trips. The Sit n Stroll also fits in the car by using the seat belt; this is great for taxi rides or cars without LATCH systems. When you get to the restaurant the Sit n Stroll becomes a booster chair, which is great for places without highchairs. Myha, in closing, I highly recommend the Sit n Stroll for any vacation involving air travel and involving a child 5 to 40 lbs. However, I would also recommend you pack a frame baby carrier for your trip for use on the beaches and any other off-road adventures. Fly smart, fly safe and have fun! Summer Holbrook Flight Attendant, Southwest Airlines World wide explorer

Gas (Prices) Relief

Q ~ Julie in Denton asks: Barb, Just when I think gas prices can't get any higher, they go up again! Is there any relief in sight and any possible way to save some money on gas?

Barb ~ Gas prices are not projected to decrease significantly any time soon. There are definite ways to improve your gas mileage and make each fill up last longer. Try these tips and you will see an immediate difference. -Stay in shape. Keep your car well maintained and make sure your tires are properly inflated. A car that has to work harder burns more gas. Using good engine oil can improve mileage by as much as 12%. A clogged air filter can decrease your mileage by up to 10%. -Don't speed. You can assume that each 5 mph you drive over 60 mph is like paying an additional $0.20 per gallon for gas. The best way to improve fuel economy by as much as 2 to 3 miles per gallon is to accelerate slowly and to brake over a longer distance. Don't rest your foot on the pedal, try coasting when possible. -Get rid of the weight. Those bags of old baby things that you have been meaning to drop off are reducing your mileage by up to 2%. Also remove luggage racks and heavy accessories. -Avoid excessive idling; you get 0 miles per gallon while idling. Place your car in neutral, park or even turn it off if you are idling more than a few minutes. - Avoid stop and go traffic when possible. -Use cruise control on the highway to help you maintain a constant speed. - Plan and consolidate your travels. - Don't go out of your way to save a few pennies on gas. If you go a couple of miles out of your way to save 5 cents per gallon, on a 10 gallon fill up you save 50 cents. The American Automobile Association says that, on average, it costs 52.2 cents to drive one mile. - Don't top off your tank and be sure your gas cap is tight.

Don't Bug Me

Q ~ Anonymous asks: I have a ten year old and a two year old and am worried about mosquitoes. Is there one repellent that I can use on both of them, one that is safer than the other or most effective?

Barb ~ It would be very difficult for me to recommend one product as each product works differently. Things to consider in choosing a good repellent is the setting in which it will be used (dinner on the patio or hike in the woods); the individual using it, including how much they perspire; and personal preferences. A common ingredient in repellents, the Chemical DEET is the most effective, safe when used as directed and has been studied the longest - over 60 years. Concentrations are directly related to how often you need to reapply. However it does need to be washed off when you come indoors and can ruin some clothing and other materials. There are some synthetic alternatives that are as effective but may not work for everyone. There are also some repellents made from natural ingredients that feel better on the skin, and smell better but are only effective for short periods of time. To complicate your decision further, the American Academy of Pediatrics, CDC, and World Health Organization all make different recommendations. You will need to make the choice that is best for you. I highly recommend reading Consumer Research's Insect Repellent Consumer Report. This report breaks down the different types of repellents, which settings they are best used in, and reviews the brands making them. You may have to purchase more than one repellant this summer. Keep in mind you should use what works in each situation - you do not need the "Deep Woods" concentration if you are only playing on the lawn, but you do need to use the minimum recommendation.

Picky Eater

Q ~ Teena in Mansfield asks: Any ideas to get a picky eater to eat fruits and vegetables? All my little one eats is crackers, chicken nuggets, pizza, and pasta. Thanks!

Barb ~ The overwhelming majority of parenting resources will advise you to keep offering foods and one day your child will surprise you and try something new. I agree, as it is never worth it to get into a struggle over food. As an added measure, I also recommend trickery to bridge the nutritional gap. Let's face it, the kid needs nutrition to grow and think. My most covert method is to blend in some green stuff into your pasta sauce or yellow and orange stuff into your mac and cheese sauce - carrots and butternut squash go completely undetected. Cube some up and keep a bag in the freezer so you can throw into the water used for cooking then mash it up with a fork. Grate zucchini over pasta or pizza, other grated veggies work great in the breading of those nuggets. Mash some fruits into a PB&J, the jelly hides everything! Make it fun! Give your food a face - there are some great cookbooks for kids that show you how to jazz things up. Sprinkle cinnamon onto fresh fruits. Use bowls for dipping sauces and offer veggie sticks for dipping. Set an example by eating these things yourself. Encourage your child, but do not push. Try to empathize; there must be some things that you do not like and would not appreciate being made to eat. Finally, on behalf of all picky eaters out there, I plead with you to not make too big a deal out of it. If your children can find one fruit and one veggie that they like, they will be okay, and they will still make it into adulthood.

Hands-Free But No Aching Back

Q ~ Aching Back in Dallas asks: Can you recommend a good carrier for a large 10 month old? What are the pros and cons of the different kinds? I need to truly keep hands free but have been carrying my baby around for hours each day. Thanks!

Barb ~ You have three basic options when shopping for a child carrier: The Sling, a Backpack, and a Hip Carrier. The sling that worked so well for your infant can be used to carry an older child in a variety of positions. Great for light use, they are easy to wash and wear, come in a gazillion colors and patterns, but generally lack lumbar support and only have minor adjustment capabilities. Backpack carriers are great for medium to heavy use. They have many comfort features for passenger and chauffeur, lots of storage pockets and many adjustments so mom and dad can both use it. It is great for a hike or a walk, but I would not recommend for every day indoor use simply because it limits eye contact and smooch-accessibility. Hip Carriers keep your child by your side, where you would normally carry them. They are a great upgrade from the front carriers, and some brands can hold children up to 35 pounds. These are my favorite as they allow me to be truly hands free, but keep my baby snuggled by my side, where she can share smiles, hugs and what I believe are practice kisses. This is what I recommend for you since you are using it for extended periods indoors. The most amazing hip carrier I have used to date is the PortaMEe. The Mercedes of carriers, this is the ultimate combination of convenience, function, comfort and fashion. It is very easy to put on, and not only keeps your offspring close to you, but your keys, wallet, phone, sunglasses, mp3 player, camera and even a bottle or sippy cup (the bottle holder is insulated)! It's like Batman's utility belt! Comfort features include a gel padded shoulder strap and orthopedic lumbar support. Now that I have finally lost most of the baby weight and can fit in my cute clothes again, I want a "hip" hip carrier and the PortaMEe is a fashion statement with its leather trim, warm colors and plush fabric. We spoke with the nice people of PortaMEe and they generously offered Metroplex Baby Savings Card Holders $20 off the purchase of a PortaMEe carrier

Mama Juggling Act

Q ~ Anonymous asks: How does one juggle the responsibilities of work, marriage and motherhood? I'm working full time, and I feel overwhelmed, spread thin and down right exhausted.

Barb ~ I once heard someone say that you can have a family and a career; you just can't have them at the same time. Pretty unreasonable considering many of us do not have a choice. We have heard this question numerous times and as working moms ourselves, sought out an answer by hosting a MetroMoms event this past winter about Balancing Work and Motherhood. It is there that I learned wonderful advice from our speaker, Dr. Lawana Gladney. Here are some excerpts from Dr. Lawana Gladney's book "You Can't Be Sick I Have to Work: 50 Tips to Emotional Wellness for Working Mothers." (copyrighted, Dr. Lawana S. Gladney 2007). Lose the Guilt: This emotion alone can weigh you down. It is like an invisible weight that tugs at your heart. Understand that guilt comes along with being a mother. We can't be everywhere, do it all, and control all situations. Organize Your Day: There is something to be said for organization. Things that are organized can flow more naturally and save a tremendous amount of time. Know what things that you have scheduled at work and home so that you won't find yourself being overwhelmed by time eaters. Set Your Boundaries: It is important that you let your manager, boss, co-workers know what your boundaries are. Your boundaries should be clearly established so that others know what you can and cannot do. Have the courage to stay within your set boundaries and say no. Prioritize your life: If you were asked to name the top three things that are important to you, I would be willing to assure you that family would be number 1 or number 2 on the list. If that is the case, just how much time are you spending on your family or your other top priorities? It is likely that your time is not aligned with your priorities. Learn how to conscientiously allot time to the things that are of the greatest value to you and make you the happiest. Want more great tips? Visit renowned speaker and author Dr. Lawana Gladney's website www.emotionalwellnessinc.com.

Scratch & Hit

Q ~ Mary in Grand Prairie asks: My 13 month old son has recently started scratching and hitting people when he doesn't get his way. I try not to let him and tell him no in a strong voice. He however ignores me and does as he pleases. How do I teach him not to be so mean?

Barb ~ This common misbehavior is displayed when words don't come easily and hitting may seem like the only way preverbal children can express their frustrations. But this does not mean your child is a bully, or that you are a bad parent. It is simply a form of communication. I recommend reading "THE HAPPIEST TODDLER ON THE BLOCK" by Dr. Harvey Karp. A quick read, it explains how this behavior is normal, and once you understand why it is happening, it becomes very simple to put an end to it. Until you get to a bookstore, here are some tips to deal with the hitting and scratching: 1) Communicate. Let your child know that you understand how he is feeling but this is not appropriate behavior. The word "no" alone is not enough because it loses meaning. Say "no hit," or "soft touch" and show a soft touch. 2) Redirect. Find something to redirect attention to, something to help him communicate better or to distract him from the frustration. Or remove him from the situation. 3) Be Calm. An over-reaction may be amusing to your son, enough so that he will try to solicit the reaction again. Reprimand in a firm voice but do not try to punish. 4) Praise. Reward your son when you catch him being nice; praise him for the positive behaviors.

Kiddie Haircuts

Q ~ Sarah in Dallas asks: Hi, Barb! Can you recommend a good place to get my baby's hair cut? I was recently out of town and took my baby for his first haircut then, but now that I'm home, I need to find a place here that doesn't cost an arm and a leg and that caters to children.

Barb ~ Places that cater to children are wonderful for the nervous tot. They typically have videos, games, and fun chairs for the children to keep them distracted while getting their hair cut. They usually accept walk-ins, but I recommend making a reservation or going during an off-peak time (during school hours) to avoid long waits. A haircut can cost between $12-15, with an optional shampoo adding a couple of bucks to the bill. They are all pretty competitive in price. Some, such as Cool Cuts 4 Kids, offer a frequent user club card that allows you to rack up discounts after repeat visits. Savings Tip: We like Kids B Kids with locations in Dallas and Plano. Your first haircut is $10.99. Regular cuts are $14, with an additional $2 for shampoos. Kids B Kids offers $3 off each haircut (excluding bang trims) when you present the Metroplex Baby Savings Card! Once your child is comfortable with haircuts, ask your hairdresser if they can do your child's cut with yours. Many charge about $10-15, plus you save on gas and time spent traveling to two places.

An Aspirator For All

Q ~ Carla in Arlington asks: I'm a first-time mom and really freaked by the bulb aspirator that the hospital gave us. It looks like it would hurt my baby. What do you think, and can you recommend anything else?

Barb ~ I am so glad you asked this Carla, because I recently had a conversation with one of our MetroMoms about aspirators! I like the Bebe Sounds nasal aspirator, but it did not work for MetroMom Carey (mother of twins), who recommends the Nosefrida. Here's what Carey has to say about the Nosefrida - "Well, it is probably the grossest thing you will ever do, but it works amazingly. As everyone knows the bulbs can sometimes be hard to use with babies as you have to keep on squeezing to get everything out. With the nosefrida, you basically "suck" the snot right out. Gross.. I know. But you can control how much pressure you use to suction and you don't have to worry about stabbing them with the end of the bulb. the nosefrida has a rounded edge that you don't really have to stick in their nose, just in the front part (of course it actually won't go in any further anyway). It works like a little vacuum to get the mucus out. note: you do need to add saline as well as turn the tube around their nostril till you hear the vacuuming sound as you suck. For those of you who are still grossed out, let me tell you that there is a filter in the unit so you can't get the mucus in your mouth. Also, after you pull the first big glob of gook out of your childs nose with one large suck instead of 7 or 8 with the bulb you will be sold. I just finished a cold with my daughter and it went much easier for her as I could keep her relatively clean. In fact, the only time she had a problem was when my husband had to clean her nose and he tried to use the bulb instead. And please understand, your baby will probably cry. After all it is an invasion to her little nose. But afterwards, when they take that clean breath and smile at you. it's worth it. It also draws lots of fun attention when you use it in public :-) There are some instances when the nosefrida isn't the best choice so I still have my bulbs handy (when it is dried and on the front of the nose), but for most situations (best ones are those gooey ones) it is the absolute best product. I actually have 2 so I don't have to go and find one."

"Friends" Who Won't Discipline Chapter Two

Q ~ Anonymous in Frisco asks: Hi Barb! I have a girlfriend that I simply adore. Sometimes we exchange kiddos to let them play and give each of us a much needed break since we are both stay at home Moms. The problem is when her daughter is at my house she doesn't follow our rules. (The offending actions are usually slamming doors in people's faces, screaming, kicking, etc.) When I correct her she just looks at me and does it again. I don't feel comfortable putting someone else's child in time out. I usually tell her if she keeps acting like that I will have to call her Mom and send her home. What is the correct way to handle this?

Barb ~ In the past I have confronted a Mom friend about her child who was aggressively hurting my child. Unfortunately she took her child's side and our friendship has been strained ever since. Since I love this other Mom friend so much I feel like I need to address the problem with her daughter while she is at my house. Any advice? Barb says: You are right to be so cautious- protective mamas can be prejudiced. Unfortunately, they are not doing their children any favors or helping them prepare for the school environment, where they will have to follow rules and be held accountable. I fear that if you only address the problem with the child then mom friend will get upset that you disciplined her child. I suggest you try to handle this as objectively as possible with mom friend first. You could try saying "I am sure we have some different household rules and I do expect my child to respect yours. Would you like to agree on ways we can establish respect for each other's rules?" Or, "the kids will undoubtedly misbehave at one point or another, let's set some boundaries we can both feel comfortable with." Let her know you would then like for the both of you to sit with the kids all together and explain to them the rules, expectations, and consequences. I am sure you both want the arrangement to work so you each can get a much-needed break. Relying on each other was a resourceful strategy. All plans can be fine-tuned and improved on. My hope is that you are able to come across as wanting to make the arrangement as easy on each other as possible.

Toddler Gravity Test

Q ~ Lauren in Grand Prairie asks: My 9 month old keeps throwing things out of his stroller or highchair and I am tired of picking them up, cleaning them off and handing them back just to see him throw them again. My husband says he is testing the laws of physics and I know he is too young to discipline or understand. Any suggestions on sparing me this trouble?

Barb ~ Your husband is correct. Your child is actually conducting scientific experiments. He wants to be able to predict with 100% accuracy what will happen with each thing he drops. How high will it bounce? How far will it roll? How funny is mommy's reaction? I can understand that it does become exhausting for you though and your question gave me reason to test a product I first saw a year ago at Everything Babyfest. It is called the Take-Along Tether and was invented by a mom. One end secures the cup, bottle or other item while the other end attaches to the highchair, stroller, shopping cart, or car seat. It is brilliant. Imagine a bungee. Your son can still see "what happens if," yet the item never hits the ground. And mommy's reaction is much more pleasant! Savings Tip: Parent Pardners offers a discount to Metroplex Baby Savings Card holders when you purchase two Take-Along Tethers.

Annoying Godmother

Q ~ Sophia in Dallas asks: My son's godmother constantly updates me on her social schedule - where she is going, with whom, and how busy she is. Frankly I couldn't care less. I ignore her constant emails but would love to tell her - in a nice way - to stop "updating me." Any suggestions on the best way to tell her to cut it out?

Barb ~ Sophia, You say with forthright that you could not care less and already ignore her emails, so she has not picked up on your non-verbal signs. If you find you cannot avoid spending time with her or being in the same space as her, then let her know that you feel the conversation always seems to turn to her social life and you would love the opportunity to discuss other topics with her. Try changing the topic and asking her how she feels about other things, like the last contestant to be kicked off the latest reality show.

Family-Friendly Outdoor Camping

Q ~ Robin in Coppell: We are going camping for the first time with our 5 year old. Can you recommend anything to make the experience family friendly?

Barb ~ The two most important comforts of camping for my family is where we sleep and where we "go." I'm not saying who, but there is at least one member of my family who has bathroom anxiety. Everything has to be just right before she can "go." Privacy, comfort, and convenience are essential, but not easy to come by while camping. Fortunately, I have found the perfect camping convenience, and we never have to go in a Port-A-Potty again. The PETT Toilet System is a portable potty that comes with or without a private shelter. It is lightweight and easy to set up. It utilizes a special drop-in bag that you dispose of so you avoid that special Port-A-Potty scent and it is easy to keep clean. Item: PETT Toilet System with Shelter Best Price Found: $239 with shelter; $76 without; but who can put a price on not having to use a Port-A-Potty? Purchased from: TRD Parts 4 U Savings Tip: Not just for camping, use toilet as a portable potty while potty training! I can't stand dirt tracked into my tent any more than I can stand sleeping on rocks under my tent! Solution: Kamp-Rite's Tent Cot. It's like a foam sleeping mat that is raised off the ground and has a tent cover. It weighs less than my stroller and is easier to open and set up - no pounding stakes into the ground, searching for the softest spot to set up, or dragging dirt in every time you need to get into your tent. It comes in two sizes for a single person or for a couple. Item: Kamp-Rite's Tent Cot Best Price Found: One-person: $169; Two-person: $269 Purchased from: TRD Parts 4 U

Product Review: Miracle Blanket

Q ~ Jennifer in Dallas: A speaker at your Destination event mentioned the Miracle Blanket. Have you tried it and what do you think?

Barb ~ Miracle Blankets Made A Believer Out Of Me And A Sleeping Angel Out Of My Baby! Here's the low-down: Item: The Miracle Blanket Cost: it's priceless but you can find it for $30 Purchased from: The Nesting Place Savings Tip: Metroplex Baby Savings Card holders holders receive 10% off I wish I had swaddled my first baby. It would have saved me from hours of crying. I was prepared with my second though, having practiced swaddling with a doll before the baby came. When the nurses first handed me my little bundle, I stared in amazement at how beautifully snug and tight they had swaddled her and had them show me their technique. Once I got her home, all it took was swaddling and she immediately settled in for hours of sleep. Luckily those nurses gave me two hospital blankets because she soon outgrew hers. After outgrowing the hospital ones, and the custom made extra large ones, sleep came no more. She would work her hands out, they would search for something to wrap around and would settle on her face. She would wake up screaming at the facial invasion. I tried tying a ribbon around her blanket to secure it. I tried three different "swaddlers." She was getting too strong and I was getting tired. I was pleading my case to Kay, nurse, educator, and owner of The Nesting Place, and she immediately told me about The Miracle Blanket. She even gave me a product demonstration and helped me practice until I felt comfortable using it. Guess what? (Cue the doves, bright light and trumpets) Baby slept all night again! This blanket really is nothing short of a miracle. Alas baby girl began rolling over and it was not safe to swaddle any longer. I gave the Miracle Blankets to a friend whose three month old was only happy if he was latched on to her and in her arms. I called her the next morning and was not surprised to hear her say, "The Miracle Blanket is a miracle!"

Green Potatoes

Q ~ Amy from Addison: Please answer this for my husband - what are the green spots that show up on potatoes and do they mean that a potato is bad??

Barb ~ The green is actually chlorophyll but its presence should serve as a warning that the tater is troubled. A nerve toxin, solanine, is produced in the green of the potato. It is actually the spuds natural defense system against insects. In large amounts, it can cause symptoms that range from headaches to paralysis of the central nervous system. An occasional greenish chip will not hurt you, but do not serve a potato if it has any green spots. Still, you would have to eat nearly 5 pounds before you would feel any effects.

Sick To School

Q ~ Sarah in Fort Worth asks: Today my daughter told me that her classmate's nose was so runny and gross that it made my daughter want to throw up. Why do parents send their kids to school when they are sick?

Barb ~ It is exasperating- parents who treat school as a private day care and leave an obviously sick child there to convenience themselves. Don't try to fake us out by drugging your child to mask the symptoms- the medicine wears off early enough to expose your plan, with every cough and sneeze propelling communicable microorganisms from the cesspool that is your child's nose. Most annoying is the parent who innocently exclaims "oh, it's just allergies," while wiping away avocado-green glow-in-the-dark snot off the child's face. Don't get me wrong, I am the first to send my child over to play with the chicken-poxed neighbor or the cousins with colds. Building up my son's immunity is part of my job. Resistance to infection develops only after exposure to a multitude of germs. But there are certain things I would rather you not send home to me or my infant. A cold lasts 7-10 days and the average child has 6-10 colds a year. I am not great at math, but that's a lot of missed school. So for the community-conscious parents who wonder when to keep kids home, I have spoken with my favorite doctor and dad of two. He advises to always keep a child home if she has any of the following: a fever of 101 or greater, has vomitted two or more times, diarrhea, coughing (coughing spreads infection), a spreading rash or is lethargic. When the child has been free of these for 24 hours, it is safe to send her back to school. So a little runny nose is not a big deal without any of the above symptoms. The most important thing you can do to prevent the spread of illness is teach your child proper hand washing, to cough into their sleeve, and to use a disposable tissue to wipe their nose.

HOV Baby

Q ~ Anonymous asks: If my infant and I are in the car together, can we drive in the HOV lane?

Barb ~ The answer is yes, you may utilize the HOV lane if you have an infant with you. There is no age restriction; however, you may not use it if the baby is still hitching a ride in your uterus. Commuters on average save one minute of travel time per mile of HOV lane. HOV lanes are designed for cars, buses & motorcycles with two or more persons. Their purpose is to encourage people who would normally drive in separate vehicles to drive in the same vehicle. Some may argue that the HOV rule should state "two or more passengers of driving age are eligible to use the lane," but they probably never rode in a car, during rush hour, with a sleepy, hungry, cranky, and poopy child.

Motivating Dad For Chores

Q ~ Carrie in Burleson asks: How can I get my husband to take more initiative in helping around the house? I always have to ask him to do stuff.

Barb ~ The most important thing to remember is that while women are raised to accept the emotional responsibility of providing care for others, men, traditionally, are not. For the most part, today's husband and father are much more sensitive to this gender paradox and are anxious to take equal part in taking care of home and family. For these balance-seeking men, the only "issue" may lie in clear communication on your part. You can gain some insight into your husband's expectations by looking at the role of his mother in the family. How did his parents share responsibilities? Is he willing to help when you ask him? Now for the big questions: Are you a control freak? Did you assume responsibility for these tasks yourself, thereby sending the message of "I got it, don't get up?" Do you allow him to help in his own way, appreciating that there is more than one way (specifically, your way) of doing things? Are there entire areas of responsibility that could be transferred to your husband, such as being responsible for emptying the dishwasher or getting the kids dressed for bed? I don't think I will be offending anyone by saying that men are not great at guessing what we are thinking. You need to let him know exactly what you need help with from the get-go. You can avoid having to ask him by assigning tasks that he will regularly be responsible for. This could be as easy as keeping a list on the refrigerator. For those of us with less than anxious helpers, a gentle reminder that the more time and energy you spend on doing all the work, the less time you have for him may help. If you still find yourself doing it all, perhaps you could just sacrifice some of your load, such as his laundry? Good luck!

Overbearing Mother

Q ~ Cassie in Bedford asks: I'm a new mom and need serious help dealing with my mother. I've been home from the hospital for two weeks. My mother drops by 4-5 times a day. She claims to be the authority on everything from feeding to sleep to temperament. I don't want to seem ungrateful. I know she's trying to help but how can I kindly explain that I need some space to bond with our baby and figure some things out on my own?

Barb ~ I think many new moms have probably found themselves in the presence of a mother or mother-in-law that is so highly self-regarded as a parenting authority, it is a shocker the entire medical community en mass neglects to award her with an honorary degree. They do mean well, of course, but things have changed and your parenting goals may differ from hers when she became a new parent. I would put it to her just like you did here. Let her know how much you appreciate her help but that you would really like some time alone to bond with the baby, and that would you like to develop your own routine. I can't promise it won't offend her or lead her to declare you as the most ungrateful selfish daughter that ever walked the earth, but I can promise that she will not stay mad long. She does after all, do everything out of her love for you.

Teething Relief

Q ~ Jenn in Frisco asks: Have you heard of anything to help with teething? My husband mentioned some kinds of drops or natural tablet. We have the teething rings and all that, and I've heard Orajel is pretty worthless since the saliva washes it right off....and my son is NOT a fan of the Orajel. Thanks!

Barb ~ I would rather go through labor again than teething! As one children's dentist tells us, teething is teething and there is very little we can do. I don't want to scare new parents; some children do not seem bothered by teething. But for others, it can make them uncomfortable, cranky, and at times miserable. There are a few things that may temporarily relieve the pain. -Cold teething rings are popular. Make sure to inspect them for tears or breaks before each use. - Many Parents agree Hylands Teething tablets are wonderful but check with you pediatrician before giving baby any products. http://hylandsteething.com/. - Gentle Naturals teething drops also seem to be popular among parents: http://www.gentlenaturals.com/products/teething.cfm. Both sites have a store locator. -Tylenol helps but once baby is 6 months you get the okay to use Motrin which works better because it also reduces swelling. - There are many teethers on the market that offer a massaging texture for baby to chew on, one of our favorites, Raz-Berry is shaped like a pacifier and offers more massaging surface area: http://razbaby.com/. You can also try freezing a damp washcloth for him to chew on, or giving him a clean finger to bite on. My son loved small ice chips and they instantly calmed him. But please, no Jack Daniels - no matter how many times you hear "you turned out okay." We just don't know how much is safe so it is best to avoid it. Orajel is not recommended because it is swallowed and in the process it numbs the back of the throat which becomes a problem if there is a lot of drool. It becomes hard to swallow that drool and may make baby gag. As difficult as it seems now, remember that this too shall pass and I promise, if you do not remember your teeth coming in, neither will your baby.

"Friends" Who Won't Discipline Chapter One

Q ~ Susan in Dallas asks: A friend of mine and I have our two year olds in the same gym class. Her son is very aggressive and has pushed my son down several times. I've made comments out loud like "watch out," and "be careful," but she has not once done anything to correct her son's behavior. I'm not one for public confrontations, and I'm pretty sure that if I say something to her she would throw a fit and say "boys will be boys." How can I handle this situation to both protect my son and keep my friendship intact?

Barb ~ I can empathize with you Susan, and I think many other parents can as well. I was in the same situation, and because I did nothing, my son eventually developed a case of major anxiety whenever he knew he was seeing the aggressive child. By doing nothing, I sent the message that he had to take it; there was nothing he could do to prevent it and there would not be any consequences. Consider what message your inaction is sending to your son, and don't waste any more time. He is only two and right now he trusts you to make sure he does not get hurt and to teach him how to handle situations. If he were older, wouldn't you expect him to say "Hey, that's not right, if you don't stop being rough I won't play with you anymore?" How would you expect him to handle it if he could? You have to show him how you would want him to handle the situation. If you want to avoid a confrontation, talk to the gym teacher or owner and ask them to address the aggressive behavior without bringing you into it. But if that does not resolve the problem, then put your son ahead of your friendship. Be direct and let her know that you do not expect her to change her parenting and you hope the situation does not affect your friendship, but she cannot expect you to stay in a situation that makes you and your son uncomfortable. Don't be afraid of confrontation, grow a pair and show your son that if you can do it, he can too. (I mean that in an encouraging, Mel Gibson sporting blue war paint and wielding a big sword Braveheart kind of way). Good Luck and I hope you update all of us on how it turns out!

Money-Saving Tips

Q ~ Stephanie in Fort Worth asks: I became a stay at home mom after having our second child and we are struggling without my income. Do you have some tips on how I can save money?

Barb ~ First take inventory around your home and identify the things that you can live without, and the things that you can reduce spending on. Get the family on board. To do this you first have to differentiate between Wants and Needs. I know you really may need caffeine but a $7 designer latte is definitely a want. To reduce your spending you need to shop around. Shop around for better insurance rates and utilities. While on the topic of utilities; having 927 cable channels is a bit overindulgent. And you really do not need all the extras on your phone line like call forwarding or caller id. Identify ways to reduce your energy bills. For example, turn off the lights when not in the room, use compact fluorescent bulbs, adjust the temperature before leaving the house or going to bed, unplug appliances and electronics not in use, plant shade trees if possible. Save on groceries by comparison shopping. Some store brands are of the same quality as national brands but are a fraction of the price, even when you have a coupon for the national brands. Compare labels and quantities. Did you know that bleach is bleach? All brands of bleach have the same ingredient yet some national brands are double the price of store brands. Shop efficiently by planning a week's worth of meals with common ingredients to reduce waste. Make your own baby food. Make justifying your purchases a habit. By keeping a spreadsheet of where your money goes you will be able to recognize areas where you can start saving. You can save on gas too. Group your errands and plan an efficient route, don't top off your tank (it really just goes to waste), park in the shade (a hot car evaporates gas). Good luck and make sure to share your creative tips!

Product Review: Video & Digital Monitor

Q ~ Cathleen in Plano asks: Do you have a recommendation for a good video AND audio baby monitor? I can't seem to find one that is actually good video and also the audio works well with it. Thanks!

Barb ~ There's a reason you are having such a hard time finding a good video and audio monitor, and you are not alone. These products are criticized more than Britney's parenting skills. Many baby monitors are hit-and-miss and reviewers either love 'em or hate 'em. Consumer Reports refused to recommend any video baby monitors because their performance was so erratic. Depending on the monitor's frequency and the other appliances, electronics, and even fluorescent lights in and around your home, you may encounter interference or static with the same monitor that works perfectly in another home. Experts say there's really no way to tell unless you actually try a baby monitor in your house, so check the return policy of your store and save your packaging and receipt. By the way, while you are trying out the monitors, also make a call on the cordless phone, and make sure you can access the internet over your wireless network. In my opinion, a re-chargeable unit is a must, and it needs to be portable so I can walk around with it. A belt clip is great to keep your hands free. Not knowing what extra features you are looking for, I recommend you try these: The Summer Infant Hand Held video monitors (these receive the least amount of complaints and criticisms) and the Graco imonitor TM (the newest version boasts a great range, and it has a lot of neat features including a camera that swivels and a receiver that flips closed to protect the screen). Good luck, and please send me an update when you find a video monitor that works for you!

Don't Waste Your Money

Q ~ Ricky in Frisco asks: Of all the baby products out there, what do you think is the biggest waste of money?

Barb ~ Good question Ricky! I am often seen in various stores shaking my head in overstated irritation at incredibly brainless inventions - many of which I purchased after being led to believe that they were a must for good parenting. The number one wasteful product I somehow came to believe I could not live without: The Pacifier Rinser. Ever drop your pacifier miles from the nearest sink? These are marketed as a solution to this predicament, a portable pacifier rinsing "system." You just fill it with water and a few drops of mouthwash before you leave the house, and store it in your diaper bag. When your child's pacifier hits the floor, no need to panic, just spray the pacifier clean. Here is why this makes #1 on my list of biggest money-wasters: Would it be just too easy to pack an extra pacifier? When you consider the size of this thing, you could actually pack two extra pacifiers, and for the price, you could buy another 2 pacifiers. I have yet to conduct a scientific study, but I can assume a minty mist does not have the cleaning effect of a steady stream of water. Also, I am pretty sure that, in my most sleep-deprived state, I can retrieve with one hand a back-up pacifier from my bag in less time, with less effort, and with no incidence of finger-cramping.

   
 

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